Friday, March 31, 2006

I'd planned a lazy-ish day today. After school, troop down to bt gombak to take my final theory test [which I passed :)], so go home, snooze, potter about and get started on the final uni essay thing. A lazy-ish day was in order and it felt good.

Except it didn't quite turn out that day.

Someone I hadn't seen in half a year msged me and how could I say no? So the greying cloudy soft sky after the test saw me smacking on chocolate cake with gwen [as a celebration of sorts; any excuse to eat nice food with friends :)] on the way to jurong. He'd wanted to go to imm you see.

But it was fun. Fun wandering into every conceviable [did I spell it right?] shop, from hardware stores to giant where we took out a demin jacket and I tried it on. There wasn't a mirror but we laughed anyway. Him sharing his long john silver meal with me while reading from their poster- what's ljs? now That was smirk worthy. mission of the day? To get vcds and Safety Pins. uh-huh. no kidding.

I found out he likes brainless movies [more smirks were produced] and that popular [the bookstore] stocks safety pins alongside ang paos. Not sure what the rationale was but I'd have liked to find out.

It started raining on the way back; he had an umbrella and we squished into it. I took my bag back and tried not to get it wet. We tramped around for ages before locating the taxi stand. I zapped him and a passerby, an old man with dyed golden hair in a low ponytail zapped me after that. I guess static electricity doesn't discrimate.

Little details, like how we tried to find out if the other was ticklish [for the record, I'm not] and playing with the paper clip stand at a shop.- Made the 31st of March 2006 a day where two friends meandeared their way through grass and concrete and pebbles, and spent time with each other. A typical day in Rachel's Life After The As.

I love life. (:
I went out with the gang yesterday and for the first time [in a long time], came very very close to losing my temper. sigh. And of course proceeded to spoil my entire evening.

It was quite stupid, really. Can you believe I don't remember how it started? Just childish threats of "I won't speak to you anymore" quickly unravelled. then the threats suddenly were taken seriously [on the pain of buying the other famous amos cookies should one fail] and all at once it wasn't so funny anymore.

I think I was the only one who was honestly upset but then again I felt that because of a different reason. It wasn't so much of that stupid 'game'... It was just that. earlier on I'd asked the guys if there was an alternative to movie watching [because I don't like movie watching I think they're a waste of time when one can sit down and talk with friends] and they said no they couldn't think of any and no they didn't want to sit down and talk.
I don't know why that got me all huffed up but it did. The closest I can come up with is that. Hello we call ourselves friends but oh guess what we aren't friends enough to sit down and talk. sigh. He Who Shall Not Be Named was like "what's there to talk about? he and I are working, you girls are working and what else?"
What else!
How about...

Friendship isn't just about knowing who works where, or what one is going to do. Knowledge of a body's iternery DOESN'T make one friends with the other. Spies know their preys very well don't they? [k bad analogy but you get the point]

So what with this and that and their pressure to make me watch a movie I got just so frustrated. In the end I thought 8 bucks was worth shutting them up so I paid for it. Although in hindsight I should have just left because I completely spoilt the movie for myself. It probably would have been enjoyable in other circumstances but as it is, I never want to watch ice age 2 ever again because of the events the preceeded it.

sigh. rant over. school bell just rang. I've got to go for class now. good thing I like 5A (:


Monday, March 27, 2006


just wanted to show you guys how i looked like during prom. haha. got this photo recently, courtesy of ivan. this is esther, a wonderful girl. she's hot! oh and the funny thing on my arm's a tempt tatoo that i stuck on the day before prom while running in the standard chartered and didn't know how to take out. haha. like how weird right. Posted by Picasa

Friday, March 24, 2006

It's one of those nights again- where I have to write- or die. Premodic urges, I'd like to think. Anyway anyway...

I ought to stop reading realistically sad books because they have such a strong effect on me. I mean, I can't seperate between them and real life, so I end up brooding over the fictional events of the book even when I'm with people. Which as can be imagined, highly unfortunate.
In any case, I guess I get all moody because I honestly believe they're real. Or treat them as such anyway which thus means [according to Ammu's twins], that it Counts.

Some things are meant to remain only within me.

I tried to force them out onto this glassy screen that has white background on this page but blue on another and black on yet another. But some things cannot be. forced.

I wanted to write about lit, about the books I studied, and how I loved them so. But my words didn't want to leave me, they wanted to reamain nestled within my heart. Am I Deviant? Writing as though words have life...

I love savouring words. Tasting one attentively, rolling my tounge over it cautiously before smacking my lips and chomping on it. Or letting it melt over my mouth slowly, if that was how it wanted to be explored. Art has such a science, I see it now. I love how words are so delicately wafted, coming together to either thrill my senses with its harmony, or cause such a discord within me with its pain that I arch my back in sharp discomfort. Like a violin with broken strings and no bow but plays a discordant tune on its own.
Back in school there were times when I couldn't bear returning to a piece I had pced beacuse I had wrung out every bit of juice. It becomes appalling, not unlike a piece of meat one spits out after chewing and sucking dry its flavour. The end result is something one cannot bear. All the suprises that caused the spine to tingle... they aren't there anymore.

But enough musing.

I'm sick and tired of uni applications, how it's dragging and how there are still so many dreary processes I haven't done.

Daddy just dropped a bombshell that has rendered me incapable of venting my frustrations on the application process. [I think the root of my fear is basically that I won't be allowed into uni because of some stupid thing I've done, or not done more likely.]

Daddy's thinking about moving.
shrug.
okay maybe not so shrug. It's getting harder to appear stoic.

I don't want to move.

I like bt timah a lot.

crap.



I must write, I told you when I first started this piece but the words won't come out!

I know their tricks. They'll remain in there for some time, stewing, like malovent rotten meat that will not improve with time. I'm their host and that's all. They take no notice of me, no, nor the burning anguish inside. How they will quarrel inside! Clash and come to a head, wrecking me in the process. Until finally, I tear inside myself, wretching them out, caring about nothing but that they be purged. Left with nothing inside me, I sit empty and drained.

My muse is wilful, wild and wicked. She is tempermental and destructive. Barbed and thorned. A changeling, fey and beautiful. Faery, pixie and dryad. Where have I placed myself? With such danger! I cannot leave, I am compelled to obey. Cruelly she smashes blogs to my head, so that I have no choice but to compare. Whose is better? She constantly reminds me of my audience. Would this word suit them better? How would that phrase go down with them?
She torments me, like she is doing now!
Feverishly, so feverishly.

On nights like this I have no control.
The only thing my muse does not have is substance. She is a willow in the wisp.

What am I to do? All I need is to write them out.
But they have no words yet.
That is why I cannot write them out.

They are still raw. Like raw meat.

They have no shape.


The realisation slides into me like a clean knife. I look up, startled.
And feel better.
Knowledge always makes one feel better.





I DON'T WANT TO WRITE ABOUT UNI!


I don't want to have uni to write about.




What's in the future? I don't see anything.


Maybe it's just a dark night.



sigh.
I wish I had better to write about. But I can't. You do see don't you? I can't write what I cannot.

Sunday, March 19, 2006

hellooo everybody my darling computer decided to revive for awhile so I'm just posting this to let you guys know I'm STILL ALIVE! haha. be patient while my glamourous commie acts up like a diva. grinn.

Okay I shall keep all and sundry entertained in the meantime by posting photos! :D okay there are like a hundred million photos so don’t say I didn’t warn you. But take your time looking through them bcz well. they’re nice! k? Don’t like die half way on me. I’m going to introduce my friends! :D

These guys are my friends. [yeah repitition I know but I don’t care] (: See, mich, gwen and myself were classmates during the first three months [together with joyce but I don’t have any photos of her =Pp] and guess what all three of us were from the same primary school! The world’s so small right. Anyway sarah was from another class but she became mich’s friend I think. I’m not sure how we got to know sean, [I’m guessing he was mich’s friend too] but he brought all his barker friends along. Oh but cedric’s from yicong’s church.
There. Wasn’t that lengthly. Okay, photos please!

k when we first went out yicong�s and glen�s antics invariably meant that we got kicked out of every restaurant or shop we went into. =Pp see. They don�t change much. Us girls couldn�t get their jokes either. And you know what they still don�t make sense.
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this is us.  Posted by Picasa

Okay this is Really us. haha. glen yicong cedric and sean. gwen sarah president of singapore and michelle
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funky grandfather slippers!
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We got bored and went to the playground to take shots. haha. glen�s cousin was nice enough to be photographer.
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I swear they told me to act cute Posted by Picasa

I think I look ultra kuku with the slippers. But I�m not the only weird looking one. hahaha.
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We made the guys cross their legs. They whined a lot about how feminine it looked. [get the irony?]
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They made us act macho in return.
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we were supposed to be pseudo united nations. I think.
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Practicing for the squeeze-as-many-people-as-you-can-on-one-chess-table competition. Thankfully no old chess lovers were passing by, or we might have been the first group in the world to cause old men to die of a heart attack while taking photos.
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He wanted to be in the photo. We were joking as to whose son he really was. Sarah and yicong�s? or glen and gwen�s? or -gasp- a mysterious liasion between michelle and he-who-shall-not-be-named? [sean]
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(:
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(: too. They've really grown up a whole lot you know? awwwwww
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million dollar smiles! Phhhheeeeee yoooooooou weeeeeeet!
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He spoilt the photo man.  Posted by Picasa

Guess where this is!
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Bet you can�t guess
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But it sure was fun in there. grin.
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The lift! Taaah-daaaaaaah Posted by Picasa

This is sean. who didn�t feature much in the previous photos because he was lousy and decided to go to marche for his free treat instead of taking photos with us. hrrmpt.
We are now at his place.
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This is what we usually do at sean�s house. grin.
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We do this too!
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Lo-heeeeei :D Posted by Picasa