Monday, August 30, 2010

as far as a stuffed and sneezy brain can think-

hmm, i can think of some people who'd like reading this post (oops, linkaging) on the wonder of creation simply for pleasure. true that, insofar as it speaks up for enjoyment, appreciation and value just because it is.

Monday, August 23, 2010

don't despair of a complicated world; instead pray for true sight

"The world of souls is a mysterious place after all.
But where you see an eye of the kingdom, rejoice.
For God is near."
- petri to a traveller


and hmmm. on people with a past-
and we live as a people called both to remember and to be ready, for we look to the author of the entire story, who was and is and is to come.'

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

a return to the literary days

Psalm 42:11 reads: Why are thou cast down, O my soul? And why are thou disquieted within me? Hope thou in God, for I shall yet praise him, who is the health of my countanence, and my God. It appears that in this passage, the realities of disorientation and fragmentation are faced by the psalmist, made more hopeless by the use of rhetoric. However, he then transcends the situation through an answer that comes from another source altogether.

Absurdity is made clear through the tension, hilighting the darkness of the situation. In the first two questions, the self is talking to the self- which brings about the question as to who then is talking to whom. There appears to be a separation of the senses, much like the postmodern despair today. The self is fragmented, and there is no need for coherence. There is no salvation, nor hope of it. Thus, there are potentially unanswerable state(s) of being. The psalmist recognises at least two states of being with him, perhaps the strong and weaker, or the senior to the subordinate. This hirerachy is brought out through the use of rhetoric, as the psalmist exercises his right to question unidirectionally. Yet, this hirerachy offers no answer, as both states of being appear quite hopeless. The psalmist has no answers, and therefore resorts to pleading with a soundless soul, while the other self is clearly morose. Thus, we have the clueless and the disheartened, one at odds with the other, and no sign of an answer.

However, and fortuntely, both states are eventually called to one Being. To the disheartened, God be hope. To the clueless, God be the answer. The fragmented self is incapable of providing an answer, no more able than a ripped shirt to sew itself together. The answer to the self and soul's call has therefore to come from another source, one that is whole. Even then, not just whole, but a whole source that has the power to heal beyond itself.

In Christ our various selves find an Integrator, and Redeemer of fallacies. We return to a dialogue with our Creator, and begin the process of healing. No wonder then the psalmist calls God "the health of my countanence". With such an understanding, we can with the psalmist question the soul's cause to be "cast down" or "disquieted" with a stirring answer. For God is still on His throne, He offers hope, He is worthy of praise.

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

last night i dreamt i was a girl soldier, entering the commando camp to run, but ended up playing netball :S

- hi world, guess what, it's august already. time must have pulled the rug underneath me sometime somewhere in march, april, may, because it sure doesn't feel like the year is entering the twilight phase. but august is when the silver starts, you know. then things start dying, and in december you either take a sigh, or lift your eyes to the skies.

- today i was reminded, daily sufficient grace. in a way it feels like the first half of 2010 didn't exist in 2010, or else 2010 consisted of jan-may, and now i'm somewhere in 2011, hi everyone i'm like, the new advanced, yo.

- my seasons have changed and it's no longer tied to semesters. i'm still drawing my map. recent significant lessons: telling God i want to know His love for me, and prayer. i think the two are intimately entwined.


- this morning i read many things i wrote a year, more than a year ago, the thoughts then, the lessons learnt. not the first time i've reread them, but somehow today i remembered what it was like writing them then, remembered the feelings that accompanied the words.


- and now, more lessons i think are coming; waiting, and patience, and trust. intimately entwined, again. waiting, waiting on Him whose timing is perfect; patience, patience with myself, i who tend to bam bam bam, checklists cleared, okay God, hi i'm ready, but clearly my God is not a respector of checklists and i will live day by day till He says, 'hi, you're ready'. it's okay.


- i think 2010's been such a liminal year, and will continue to be. much about this phase excites me (:

- poetic justice, in a slice of infinity. makes me want to sign up for any bgst/sbc courses on isaiah.

- currently: glad that the God of the Story is also the God of the mad fellas. i can think of two such, one overthinking and the other hopping around, but both seeking His direction and will- which gives me hope that for all the false starts and glorified messes, i'm going to learn things.

- to round off the dream: before i made it to camp, an attempted terrorist cart bomb ran into me and both of us into a high-security lab corridor off the wall of the mrt. i jumped off the cart and one of the scientists risked her life to unlock her lab door and pull me in, before the bomb exploded and the corridor shook. the girl terrorist died strangely, clearly, her frame still intact in the vibrations but her flesh made violet-ray for all to see through.

Tuesday, August 03, 2010

meme (:

qh, if you still drop by here this is the due citation thingy k, soon enough i'll drop you an email explaining that i've been away, got sick, lost weight, and only recently started visiting old word-places again. love, rach.

1) What's the connection between you and the last person that called you?
we share parents

2) Do you ever turn your cell phone off?
i don't know how to turn it off

3) What happened at 10.00am today?
people laughed, people cried, people died. someone was having lectures at paya lebar airbase also, possibly.

4) When did you last cry?
maybe china? on bus leaving jiu zhai gou; that was in june.

5) What is your favorite thing to eat with peanut butter?
the only times i eat peanut butter is at strange camp games where they think pairing apples and peanut butter is really funny and make you eat it and you do because you want to be a sport for the people in your group; being relational makes you crazy sometimes.

6) What do you want in your life right now?
ooh, many things

7) Do you carry an umbrella when it rains, or just put up your hood?
http://doingthekiwi.wordpress.com/2009/11/21/peace-on-earthgood-will/

8) What's your favorite thing to have on your bed?
my down feather bolster that daddy gave me :)

9) What bottom are you wearing now?
pink boxer shorts with hearts all over it and a giant 86 emblazoned on the bottom left corner with PINKO in neon pink. oh, and it's brown bordered. i have girlfriends who like my shorts, punk.

10) What's the nicest text in your inbox say?
1 445 msgs in there, shan't play favourites.

11) Do you tend to make a relationship complicated?
it gets complicated when any party doesn't want to stick around and work out the nasty bits, i think. but i'm getting sleepy, and not much up for thinking anymore.

12) Are you wearing anything you borrowed from someone?
nah

13) What was the last movie you caught?
Avatar. Plans for Inception and Despicable Me have been falling through quite spectecularly.

14) What are you proud of?
many things. the prettiness of sunlight falling on a field, the incredible blue of an afternoon sky, the delicate earrings my mommy bought me. i'm proud of God and His works like a daughter takes pride in her father, and gladly show the world evidence of my mother's love.

15) What does the oldest text message in your inbox say?
from ohjiamin, back in late june:
'Hi sweetie:) heard you are sick too, get well soon!<:'

16) What was the last song you sang out loud?
i need Thee every hour; family devotions (:

17) Do you have any nicknames? What are they?
i seem to collect monikers and labels like a stickerbook gets stickers, in other words, many sorts in many manners. i shall blatently ignore the second question on the grounds that it's one question per number, no 17 part one and 17 part two.

18) Who was your last message from?
hannah

19) What time did you go to bed last night?
3

20) Are you currently happy?
i will be when i've finished this.

21) Who gives you best advice?
no favourites

22) Do you eat whipped cream straight from the can?
i don't eat whipped cream.

23) Who did you talk on phone last night?
if it was after 2330hrs, does it count as last night?

24) Is anything bugging you right now?
trying to finish this quiz; i've been rolling the questions up and down a few times now.

25) What/Who was the last thing/person to make you laugh?
shermaine, i think, while we were planning our play-offs thing haha.

26) Do you wear toe socks?
nah

27) Who was the last person you missed a call from?
ref 1)

28) Have you ever had your heart broken?
-and crushed, bruised, lifted, healed, sheltered, nutured, forgiven, restored. loved.

29) What annoys you most in a person?
disrespect, i think.

30) Do you have a crush on anyone?
you earn the right to an answer if you ask me for valid reasons

31) Do you love your life?
yea

32) What is the colour of your room?
my walls are mostly white, my bedsheet is tribal. my rug is orange, is pink, is brown. my dresses are out. a bright purple flower, a gift from commencement, brightens a corner. i have a light brown bear, a blue crab, a green water bottle. a marks and spencer cereal box sits pretty on said dark red-based bed. i lie on my black bean bag and tell you these things, these colours.

33) Would you kill someone you hate for a billion dollars?
wow that's a pretty scary question. i hope not.

34) Do you believe in the saying "talk is cheap"?
i think that's quite an unaesthetic way of putting it, but the principle behind it, somewhat inclined to agree i suppose

35) Who was the last person to lay in your bed?
ref 1)

36) Who was the last person to hug you?
xuan xuan the baby cousin :)

37) Did anyone see the last person you kissed?
hneh? the semantics of this question are not worth considering. for the record it's abel, the babyier cousin.

38) Do you have a life?
a few hours ago someone told me i'm 'cool and happening and alive'. there you go.

39) Have you ever thought someone died, when they really didn't?
yea. i probably can't name anyone because i think they died again.

40) What is the reason behind your profile song?
what profile song?

41) Who was the last person you saw in your dream?
assuming i can remember the dream...

42) Last time you smiled?
who on earth thought of this question??

43) Have you changed this year?
yea

44) What are you listening to right now?
橄欖樹

like, i really am.

45) Are you talking to someone when you doing this?
nah

46) Do you walk with your eyes open or closed?
Open, unless i'm in china walking the streets of beijing and you tell me, 'let's play a game, let's walk with our eyes closed and see how far we go'. then i would trust you and walk with my eyes closed.

47) Is there a quote you live by?
nah

49) Have you ever played an instrument?
yea

50) What was the worst idea you've had in week?
i can think of a few i've done in my life, but i've been pretty tame these few weeks, or the last week, whichever time frame i'm being asked about.

51) What were you doing last night at 11.00pm?
i'm pretty sure i was washing my hair.

52) Are you happy with your love life right now?
define love

53) What song describes your love life?
define life

54) Does the person know that you like him/her?
define know

55) Who always make you laughs?
i've been looking at this question; i have to say its grammar scores a perfect record each time.

56) Do you speak languages other than English?
yea

57) Are you blond?
if my hair's black, i couldn't be blond right?

(haha)

58) What is your middle name?
some might say peachy (:

59) What are you doing tomorrow?
subject to thrilling possibilities

60) What do you think you are like?
i plead sleepiness

61) Who will you choose to die with?
maybe i'll opt to be buried with percy bear bear

62) Where have you been today?
to the moon and back.

63) What game do you play often?
pepsi cola one two three haha

64) Who are you missing right now?
i have a mongolia-shaped hole in my heart

65) If you've to choose between friends & love, who will you choose?
the question said If

66) What are you doing right now?
whipping up a soufflé, dancing to mozart's eine kleine nachtmusik, putting the finishing touches to my latest needlework.

well, eating a persimmon, actually.

67) Which primary school are(*were) you from?
you get to choose

68) Name 3 colours that you like.
i'm pretty cool with the spectrums that exist within the colour white

69) What emotion do you like to show?
the agreeable one

70) What is life to you?
Christ
“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket- safe, dark, motionless, airless--it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable.”

- C.S. Lewis