happy faces :)

hearts sparklers! :))

unguarded moment heh

unguarded moment times two

ohjiamin! hahaha.

joy foo (((: and and and, she gave me a beootifoo monster box today!

very happy cz rachel loves presents :)

haha her face cracks me up every time i see this.

___________________________

okay the end.

happy birthday jeremy:) i liked your cake words, by the way. so much love. :)

okay officially going mad

1.ONE OF YOUR SCARS, HOW DID YOU GET IT?
pierced my eyebrow

2. WHAT IS ON THE WALLS IN YOUR ROOM?
pencil drawings, scribblings, photos, cards

3. DO YOU SNORE, GRIND YOUR TEETH, OR TALK IN YOUR SLEEP?
talk when i'm really tired heh

4. WHAT DO YOU WANT MORE THAN ANYTHING RIGHT NOW?
to be in a certain other country

5. WHERE CAN YOU SEE YOURSELF BEING PROPOSED TO?
hmmm! idk man, probably some place that has significance to my partner and i. anddd. the guy had better ask my parents first!

16. COFFEE OR ENERGY DRINK?
HUNDRED PLUS :DD

17. FAVORITE CLOTHING?
dresses!

18. WOULD YOU FALL IN LOVE KNOWING THAT THE PERSON IS LEAVING?
i highly doubt it.

19. WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE SCENT?
light blue, for me. and danny still needs to tell me what he wears!

20. FAVORITE QUOTE?
go check my fb profile :) there're a lot!

21. FAVORITE PLACE?
hush it'll be okay rachel


22. HAVE YOU BEEN OUT OF THE USA?
dude, i AM out of the us.

23. WHAT DO YOU GET COMPLIMENTED ABOUT MOST?
hrmm. toss-up between the smile, legs, personality, and other more and more perceptive things as per reader (of yours truly). that's quite a lot of tossing to be done huh.

24. HAVE YOU EVER HAD BRACES?
no :((

25. WHAT DO YOU WANT FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY?
i'd want different things from different people i guess. but i'd only want smth from you if you mean smth to me. cz i'd want smth special. and you'd only know what i'd want as far as who i am to you.

26. HOW MANY KIDS DO YOU WANT AND THEIR NAMES?
4! Or 5.
genesis, sunshine, and an androgynous name like andy (if the baby's a girl). or alexis. okay there you go, 4 names. but they'll all have chinese names, def.

27. WHAT IS THE BIGGEST TURN OFF OF THE OPPOSITE SEX?
for now, i guess it's how some of them think they have the answer and the plan, all the time. you see i don't actually want your answer and your plan.

28. WHAT IS ONE THING YOU LIKED ABOUT HIGH SCHOOL?
hrmm. my distance i guess. i get very little of that now.

29. WHAT KIND OF SHAMPOO DO YOU USE?
dove, cz that's in the bathroom. then i condition with manuka oil from new zealand (scalp) and sunsilk for the hair. and once a week i use l'oreal's hair mask. not the type found in stores!! that one srsly doesn't work. had to use the shampoo when i was in the philippines and it was just bad. sticky feeling can you just say die now :S

30. ?DO YOU HAVE ANY SIBLINGS?
yes

31. WHAT DO YOU LOOK FOR IN A GUY/GIRL?
hrmm. i'm still figuring this one out. nothing set in stone, i guess. but ref to this

32. WHAT ARE YOUR NICKNAMES?
rach, rachie, chel, ting, silly bean, pumpkin pie, and oh. ditz, bimbo, airhead, variations of the same theme. pixie was one of the oldest.

33. PLANS FOR TONIGHT?
get the conclusion over and done with (feeling constipated srsly), and print notes to mug like, look through before my 30% test tmrw. gg me.

34. WHERE DO YOU WANT TO LIVE WHEN YOU ARE OLDER?
how old?

35. LAST THING YOU ATE?
b&j's new york superfudge chunk! shared with mummy and daddy, jem and little brandon and i. -beams-

36. THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE IN THE OPPOSITE SEX?
ooh, many things :OO

37. FAVORITE SEASON OF THE YEAR?
<3s singapore weather

38. WHAT IS YOUR HAIR COLOR?
black with highlights i am not sure exist anymore.

39. DO YOU LIKE SUSHI?
:)

40. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU BOUGHT?
YTF at the deck! LAKSA okay no less. 2 more days till school ends, i'm eating it for the rest of the week!

41 WOULD YOU EVER BE A HOUSEWIFE?
i used to think i would like to, like do the laundry, bake, cook and stuff like that. but increasingly i think i'm called to other things too.

42. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING?
i've had to limit myself for the past couple of weeks now. wait till the exams are over okay, i'll spam and you will only be able to find me in the library <3

43. DESCRIBE YOUR LOVE LIFE.
eventful. it's always been eventful.

am i seeing a little better?

e says:
i want to travel too ):

chel says:
sigh
to be away
to be amongst beauty
and to rejoice in His handiwork

e says:
SIGH.

chel says:
you and i
our hearts are somewhere else

e says:
they are. i've been feeling incredibly disatisfied with life. which should not be so. we are living in a land flowing with milk and honey in Christ. we should be.

i spent the afternoon walking aimlessly in vivo. WHY.
i don't know. i didn't want to go home.
but i also didn't know where else to go

my days are becoming meaningless.
its like..mon, tues school. weds, thurs sometimes at s, fri school. saturday play piano for YAF, attend YAF. sunday church. cycle repeats.
its been like that since jan.
i'm sick of it.

chel says:
esp since after exchange huh

e says:
sigh.
where is your heart tonight

chel says:
new zealand
definitely
yours?

e says:
floating somewhere. doesn't know where.
finding. a home.

i keep waking up, these days, in the middle of the night, with this unexplainable heavy sadness
on the verge of crying. and i don't know why
i was talking to m, she said she has it too.

chel says:
AHHH TELL ME ABOUT IT
and and and . i know it's been a hard time for g too
and uh, p also
that's five of us!

e says:
this cannot be coincidental heartache hormones

chel says:
no i don't think so
really i don't think so
i've been suspecting this
ever since you and i have been sharing on msn
and you told me abt g + i follow her blog
and i talk with p too
and now m
5 of us!

no but the five of us. tearing and falling
i've probably cried more this past month, almost everyday, than the rest of my life put together
or really close

e says:
same. and i've been having fluctuating hormones like no one's business.
i've a pimple on MY ELBOW. AND MY SCALP.
evidence my friend.

chel says:
okay that's really-
significant
but srsly
why is this happening to us??
i mean
i know we girls get moody at times
but
to such a degree
and so prolonged

e says:
i know. i wonder if we're reinforcing it, in someway by sharing.

chel says:
no
i don't think so
no way
because i'm reacting over the events happening in my life
related around me
there's definitely a cause for mine
and p too; she's having certain events in her life i know it's not unfounded
and you and g over the wretchedness of life at least, if not more

i wonder
if God is trying to expand our hearts
pushing and stretching it
to take in the reality of life
and the state of the world (not that we even understand half as wretched it is)

e says:
if He is, i wish he'll sedate me first.
):
i think you're right. we are the idealistic young girls. on the verge of entering the working world.
its a breaking in period.
in all sense of the word

you know, during QT, recently, i noticed that my words have become more...i don't know weary and questioning.
it used to be...thank You for this that and the other. now it's Why this that and the other
peppered with i don't knows.

chel says:
YOU KNOW
you know
i think
i just know, that for you, you'll look back and see this as a period of really getting to know Him
we don't know what we don't question
do you see??
we don't know what we don't question
and we have to work through this period
walk through it
take step after step through the valley
tired and head drooping
i see it babe, for you.
and for you i am glad

e says:
i hope. i really hope.
and i'm tired. already.
goodnight you. mucho grande amour.

chel says:
love you too, muchly
we'll get through this okay
that's what our spinster sisterhood is for
seriously
we'll talk of this again
chan raak khun maak

it's very tiring, very very tiring.

i don't even know what to think about it all.


want to go back to nz

hello, am tired and was constructive today, but still sad.

it is-
hard to be a sister, hard to be a growing up girl. or maybe woman.
hard to be meek, hard to be present.


am-


hating tiffs, currently hating this heart of mine. why is it so sensitive why is it so caring.

missing other places, missing other people. missing twins.
wishing it wasn't so hard, wanting to be gone from myself.
tired of living for other people. being affected by them.


i


need to learn to care for myself, maybe. i think gina said something a little like that before. i miss gina.
feel heavy. i feel heavy and sad and wordless. and worthless.
don't want to care about anyone anymore. just want to hide away. or be with people who don't care about me. caring is a milstone around my neck and i am drowning in care by care.


tonight is the perfect night to be with the twins. i want them but i don't care to show it so they will be comfortable with me.



want the twins. don't want anyone else.

want to be happy again please.

Hullo,

I have been tired, i still am tired. But I like this new template; it is structured and orderly, and perhaps in external certainty I can be too, through osmosis or something. Maybe I will be getting better soon, I might.


*

I have been thinking these days (alright what's new). But now I can't remember much, what.

I told matthew earlier today that I'm not really a reality person, I think, I capture experiences in terms of concepts/issues/feelings, especially feelings. So when I try to recall... I don't have much to go on. And it's true. I'm never able to remember much. I think I do, but I don't, not really. I have snippets of still shots in what I can remember, where I see myself and hannah up at the gallery overlooking the hall, studying, which is ridiculous because if it's my memory I shouldn't be able to see myself.

I could go on, but I suppose the point that matters at this juncture is that I'm feeling like. like a non-person. I don't have memories of events or experiences, for reasons i can't fanthom I remember in feelings, in smells. And these are such stupid ways to record moments and lives and years.

It sucks to feel like a non-person. Or to conclude myself as not much of a reality person. As though somehow I have been out of touch with reality all the years of growing up, and I cannot remember my secondary school days in the ways that matter. I could try to tell funny stories about unforgettable events, but is the storage in my head so little that the mundane details pour out the way water spills out of a jar? Tonight, I want to remember reality, I want to remember the mundane details that made up the days of my life, that matter.


*

About post below- thanks, for the people who showed care and asked after me one way or another, comments msn conversations thanks guys. It's good to know you're there.


*


I've been talking heaps with pearlyn lately, which i am very content about.

Her restlessness I have caught; now what I want is also a field and some sky, to sit and think with the wind.


*

Or maybe, maybe, I'm just bored.

That I need something to burn this restless pacing off, again and again, to melt and resolidfy, but maybe this time I won't settle for pretty tinsel in the wind.

i still remember i am blessed.

it's been, years, since i've last been like this. breaking down just about every night. it's been for a couple of weeks now.
just went through one event, then another comes.
God, what are You trying to teach me?
i know i have issues, and a heart softer than i would like it to be, but do i have to fling myself on my bed night after night, sobbing, until i am out of tears and can only stare blankly at the screen, drained and weary?


but when all's said and done, i am still in a far better state than i know i was in the previous times, where i hid a knife in the room so that i could cut myself.

rachel the ENFP?

sorry i've been insonmatic for more than a week now. it really got to me tonight. all the best to ivp ulty tomorrow. whatever.

anyway, rachel is (supposedly) an ENFP!

__________________________



ENFP - The "Advocate" Jungian Personality Types (Free Test)

ENFPs are introspective, values-oriented, inspiring, social and extremely expressive. They actively send their thoughts and ideas out into the world as a way to bring attention to what they feel to be important, which often has to do with ethics and current events. ENFPs are natural advocates, attracting people to themselves and their cause with excellent people skills, warmth, energy and positivity. ENFPs are described as creative, resourceful, assertive, spontaneous, life-loving, charismatic, passionate and experimental.


Details
Preferences

Extraverted
iNtuition
Feeling
Perceiving

Temperament
NF (Visionary)

ENFP Population
Total: 5.5%
Male: 4.5%
Female: 6.5%

Primary Function
Extraverted Intuition

Secondary Function
Introverted Feeling

Tertiary Function
Extraverted Thinking

Least Function
Introverted Sensing


About the ENFP Expert Quotes & Links

"They can't bear to miss out on what is going on around them; they must experience, first hand, all the significant social events that affect our lives."
- The Portrait of the Champion Idealist (Keirsey)

"ENFPs are warm, enthusiastic people, typically very bright and full of potential. They live in the world of possibilities, and can become very passionate and excited about things. Their enthusiasm lends them the ability to inspire and motivate others, more so than we see in other types. They can talk their way in or out of anything. They love life, seeing it as a special gift, and strive to make the most out of it."
- Portrait of an ENFP (The Personality Page)

"Friends are what life is about to ENFPs, moreso even than the other NFs. They hold up their end of the relationship, sometimes being victimized by less caring individuals. ENFPs are energized by being around people. Some have real difficulty being alone, especially on a regular basis."
- ENFP Profile (TypeLogic) "outgoing, social, disorganized, easily talked into doing silly things, spontaneous, wild and crazy, acts without thinking..."
- ENFP Jung Type Descriptions (similarminds.com)

"ENFPs are energetic and enthusiastic leaders who are likely to take charge when a new endeavor needs a visionary spokesperson. ENFPs are values-oriented people who become champions of causes and services relating to human needs and dreams. Their leadership style is one of soliciting and recognizing others' contributions and of evaluating the personal needs of their followers. ENFPs are often charismatic leaders who are able to help people see the possibilities beyond themselves and their current realities. They function as catalysts."
- ENFP - The Visionary (Lifexplore)

"Ranked 1st of all 16 types in using social and emotional coping resources and 2nd in using cognitive resources. "
- ENFP Facts (discoveryourpersonality.com)



______________________________________

k now talking with pea, so postpone sleep a bit more. write more while waiting for her to translate thai song for me also la i guess. later i put down :) anyway about the ENFP thing. hai only pea, dennis, eugene and weishieng know the 100% la. and like, they figured it out on their own not like i did a presentation on myself. i didn't even know myself that well, back then. and maybe hannah and gina also. i don't know anyone else who has that adequate understanding. at least if they do, they've never analysed me in front of me so i don't know if they know. but things are definitely easier with the abovementioned and i am very secure around them because they know why i do the things i do. i don't have to explain myself. i hate explaining myself. or talking about myself seriously in general. guess i'm just good at laughing at myself with others. whatever.

_______________________________________

pea pea's thai song:

pearlyn. all we can do is keep breathing. says:
you've asked me once before why we love
when i think back...i cant think of many answers
i've never been able to find a reason
but all i know is that i have joy when we're together
we might have heard of reasons why some love
could be for a hundred smiles...a hundred coincidences
if i could find a reason why i love you
its because all i see is beauty when i see u

chel says:
wow
pearlyn. all we can do is keep breathing. says:
yea
the last line

pearlyn. all we can do is keep breathing. says:
since the day i met u, all i've seen is beauty

________________________________________________

i want a guy like that.

because, i still cope through denial and avoidance. sorry, gina. give me more time.

This is called 50 FIRST REACTIONS. Type what comes to your mind FIRST whenever you see these 50 words. Don't think and don't go back and change. Doesn't matter how random it is, just type it! Repost it for all of your (bored) friends. Consider yourself tagged if you are reading this!

1. Beer: recepie for disaster

2. Food: singaporeans rock :D

3. Relationships: are complicated

4. Your CRUSH: has varied through the times

5. Power Rangers: Pink!

6. Life: hurts, for the ones who remain behind

7. The President: is black.

8. Yummy: hungry

9. Cars: the movie!

10. Movies: i make it really difficult i guess, because i hate bad plots, and, i absolutely hate paying for movies i end up thinking are even mediocre. let this be made known =Pp

11. Halloween: orange pumkins like those in Peanuts!

12. Sex: -y

13. Religion: introduction to the study of religion =Pp it's a mod i'm doing now. but different la, how do you expect me to think of Christianity as a religion. it's the essence of my life itself.

14. Hate: peanuts (i don't actually, but this was really the first word)

15. Fear: story book. (my bestie's favourite book series in sec1 was titled 'fearless')

16. Marriage: white lacy wedding veil

17. Blondes: ang mo!

18. Slippers: my purple bedroom slippers. dunno where they are though =(

19. Shoes: rack

20. Asians: ism and singapore. (another module i'm doing)

21. Pass time: like a frisbee

22. One night stand: ONS

23. My cell Phone: sparkly purple!

24. Smoke: white, curling whisps

25. Fantasy: i see volcanos, with larva and dragons :)

26. College: collage

27. High school life: awkward

28. Pajamas: me!

29. Stars: shine ( = i want )

30. Center: of a basketball court

31. Alcohol: evapourates

32. The word love: is linguistic

33. Friends: like that lor

34. Money: greenback!

35. Heartache: now

36. Time: watch

37. Divorce: :(

38. Dogs: hairy

39. Undies: eeee hahahaha

40. Parents: cartoon figures taller than my cartoon me, and bending over. mama cartoon has short curly hair.

41. Babies: MEMEME I WANT MANY MANY

42. Ex: boyfriend

43. Song: http://injarsofclay.livejournal.com/93738.html

44. Color: purple

45. Weddings: aisle

46. Pizza: pineapples, hot dogs and cheese

47. Hangout: zipline

48. Rest: body must lie down on bed

49. Goals: soccer.

50. Inspiration: is floating

1. Who is your best girl friend(s)?
al, boo, gayle, hann, erica, pea, etc.

2. If someone were to tell you they like you right now, would you care?
yeah

3. Do you still talk to the person you fell hardest for?
no

4. Where did you last sleep other than your house?
at the foos

5. Do you have a best friend?
Yea

6. Do you smoke?
Nah

7. Do you remember what you were like when you were a kid?
awkward

8. Can you vote for the next election?
Yea

9. What are you listening to?
kids playing downstairs; happy voices

10. When will your next kiss be?
dunno

11. Who do you want to see right now?
john joy danny

12. Ever have a sleepover with the opposite sex?
Yea

13. When did your last hug take place?
few days ago

14. Do you date smart people?
yeah

15. Where were you at 2:02pm this afternoon?
not yet, but i will be with terence and joy to see danny the playmaker :)

16. What does the last text in your phone says?
me to joy: pylbr at too haha laters <3

17. Do you use smiley faces on the computer a lot?
yeah

18. Have you ever changed clothes in a vehicle?
Yea

19. Who did you last eat with?
mmm. ag people i guess.

20. Do you text alot?
Yea

21. How old will you be in 13 months?
23

22. When is the last time you tattooed?
Nah

23. If you like that person will you talk about your feelings or hide them?
hide

24. Do you wear glasses?
yeah

25. What are you looking forward to in the next month?
in the month itself? i really dunno man. after the month maybe.

26. Will you talk to the person you like tonight?
who says i like anyone

27. What color shirt are you wearing?
white

28. Do you have a reason to smile right now?
i always will, even if i don't

29. If you won a lot of money on the lottery, what would you buy first ?
a house

30. Who was the last person of the opposite sex you had a conversation with? What was it about?
john, and aik, one on msn one on phone. not telling.

31. Who was driving the last car you were in?
i forgot his name. friend's friend. he had braces though, nice.

32. Who was the last person that called you?
haha some true yoga shite

33. What are you craving right now?
shashimi? dunno random whack

34. What if you married the last person you kissed?
he didn't want to marry me

35. What are you excited about?
happy, sparkly, pretty, fun stuff.
dresses, balloons, flowers, ribbons, various accessories earrings, bracelets etc. ya i know i'm such a kid okay.

36. Ever kissed your number 1 on facebook?
??

37. When was the last time you cried? And why?
last night

38. Ever kissed someone who's name starts with an A?
i... don't think so.

39. Is there one person who can make you feel better no matter what?
i think so

40. Last person you hugged?
can't remember, keep thinking it's sarah/mabel when i know it's not

41. What were you doing at 2:00 am last night?
sleeping

42. Have you cried today?
no

43. What bed did you sleep in last night?
mine

44. Are you currently frustrated with a girl/guy?
not like i remember such things

45. Ever talked to someone that was high?
Yea.

46. Does it snow where you live?
Never. yay.

47. When is the next time you will see your grandma?
dunno

48. Have you kissed or hugged someone today ?
no

49. Will you be married in the next two years ?
Haha you and i wish

50. Have you ever wanted someone you thought that you couldn't have?
yeah

51. Are you in a relationship, single, complicated, married, or engaged?
single

52. How have you felt today ?
a little quieter, i guess

53. Do you like your name?
yeah

54. Are you happy at the moment?
refer to earlier related question about smiling

55. What were you doing at 10:00pm last night ?
online/texting i guess

56. Last person who drove you somewhere(besides your parents) ?
mabel

57. Ever kissed someone in a closet?
huh no

58. Do you live alone ?
sometimes

59. Do you have a friend of the opposite sex that you can talk to?
Duh

60. Are you crazy ?
i don't think so

61. Who was the last person to call you babe?
many people call me babe. becky, probably

62. How has this past week been for you?


63. Last thing you drank ?
water

64. Do you believe that every thing happens for a reason?
yea

65. Could you ever forgive a cheater?
Dontknow

66. If you were reincarnated as a sea creature, what would you want to be?
maybe a deep sea dweller :)

67. What do you normally order when you're at McDonald's?
sundae i guess. i love the fugde. yay.

68. Last book you read?
erm. hip to be square, some chick lit thing la.

69. Describe your mood.
getting a bit impatient with these questions

70. Describe the last time you were injured?
scratches i guess, from ulty training

71. Of all your friends, who would you want to be stuck in a well with?
need to meet people, no time to answer

72. Rock concert or symphony?
Depends

73. Do you like taking the MRT?
nope

74. If you could only use a form of transportation,
bus

75. Whats your favorite kind of cake?
(good) chocolate

76. Look 20 degrees to your left, what do you see?
my dresses. haha.

77. Do you untie your shoes when you take it off?
Nah

78. Do you buy your own groceries?
Nah

79. What's your favorite fruit?
DURIAN

80. Do you like running long distances?
not anymore

81. Have you ever eaten snow?
No

82. What color are your bedsheets?
dark red base, with mellow yellow tribalish lines. i like.

83. Do you hate someone very badly at this moment?
No

84. Do you watch Spongebob?
ew no

85. What temperature is it outside right now?
dunno

86. Do you consider yourself smart?
haha in which sense

87. How many piercings do you have?
HAHA. ermmmm 7.

88. What language do you speak at home?
english

89. How do you feel about your family?
blessed

90. What time did you go to bed yesterday?
1?

91. What CD is currently in your CD player?
nothing

92. What do you want for Christmas this year?
a grown up sensible brother please

93. Favorite ice-cream?
island creamy/daily scoop flavours

94. What's the way people most often mispronounce any part of your name?
racher

95. Lastly, whats your favorite color?
i want to paint my parts of my room

we still have oil in russia to discover

be better, be well again. be affectionate, be smiling once more. tell me about it, i'm waiting for your letter.

"Hello, lemon," I said. I don't know why. Arbitrary words for a love as certain and clear and sweet as sunlight. Hello peach, hello honey, hello stran

ger, hello you.


three more books borrowed, after three books returned. what is it about my recent ravenings, devouring swamps, masses of words one page after another. i finished my obligatory chick lit text in a few hours, unexpectedly enjoying the author's wit (she's a humour columnist, apparently. how are these people assembled; they know what it takes to make me laugh), and now i sit absent-mindedly reading it a second time, slower. a times-two book in a single day.

Most women, and i think i can generalize here, will put off buying a new bra until their straps disintegrate, and even then they might improvise for a while. Wear sweatshirts, for instance, or simply not leave the house. This is because bra shopping is exceedingly dull. What are bras, if not bland, ineffectual necessities tarted up with an array of sewn-on daisies? The most timid fashion statment i have ever known is the teensy, superfluous bow at the cleavage of my bra, intended to suggest... I don't know what. A certain hypermodest girlish femininity. 'Hey, naughty boy, look at me in my sagging, fraying, beige-coloured, oversized bra. Bet ya didn't notice the bow'

crack up, without a doubt.

but my degeneration into the bespectacled world is so absolute, so obsessive, that i wonder. am i reclaiming an abandoned self i once had, then let loose to wander around the earth? maybe that's how ghosts are made, our thrown away selves still living but pushed away by one's physical body, so that they, pale wisps, while their way around the planets, waiting, and perhaps they glow faintly in moonlight. she walks like summer and talks like rain/reminding me there's a time to change/yeah yeah yeah. seems like i've got drops of jupiter, after all.

I thought i could introduce him to me newly... Read this, this is a book i'm touched by; listen to the music i like; notice, on my dresser, letters from people who love me. These are the gaps to be filled to rejoin us completely. ...

We got ahead of the guide, leaving his flashlight behind. Evan strode faster than I, and all at once I lost him in the shadowy pitch of an underpass between stalagmite and cavern wall. After a silence, he whistled, but it echoed and came from everywhere. There was a fork to the trail, I didn't know which path he'd taken. And I thought: This is where we'll always be. Ex-lovers navigating through darkness like bats do, guided by emotinoal echoes, now sensing, now losing the warmth.

another quiz! haha :)

Your view on yourself:

Other people find you very interesting, but you are really hiding your true self. Your friends love you because you are a good listener. They'll probably still love you if you learn to be yourself with them.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:

You like serious, smart and determined people. You don't judge a book by its cover, so good-looking people aren't necessarily your style. This makes you an attractive person in many people's eyes.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:

You prefer to get to know a person very well before deciding whether you will commit to the relationship.

The seriousness of your love:

You are very serious about relationships and aren't interested in wasting time with people you don't really like. If you meet the right person, you will fall deeply and beautifully in love.

Your views on education

Education is less important than the real world out there, away from the classroom. Deep inside you want to start working, earning money and living on your own.

The right job for you:

You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.

How do you view success:

Success in your career is not the most important thing in life. You are content with what you have and think that being with someone you love is more than spending all of your precious time just working.

What are you most afraid of:

You are afraid of things that you cannot control. Sometimes you show your anger to cover up how you feel.

Who is your true self:

You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.

okay i shall go sleep now

i'm sleepy, i went to bed before six today but woke up at tenish and just ate two bowls of very filled chowder (more stew than soup) so i'm very bloated and full and even though i think i could go back and sleep again i am waiting this expansion off.

i got 15 out of 20 for my test which park gave back today, not bad not bad for 2 days of study and i don't mind that the dude in front of ky and i got 18/20, he probably mugged for it and derseved it anyway. even if he didn't and is naturally brilliant, i don't care either. i'm not quarrelling or comparing.

i'm going to do a quiz! :)


1. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?
nope

2. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED?
long ago

3. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING?
i don't mind it, i have a couple i switch from now and then actually, depending on my mood

4. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON, WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU?
i think so. as in, honestly speaking. i would probably appear cheerful and caring to my another person self. quite an attractive combi, detachedly speaking. (but okay la i can say all this because this place is locked up and i KNOW the people who read this! and i know you guys know me :) )

5. DO YOU USE SARCASM?
i try to stop practising it. tell myself i'm bad at it and stuff. i do believe me.

6. HOW DO YOU WANT YOUR LIFE TO BE IN A COUPLE OF YEARS? (REALISTICALLY PLEASE)
a couple? i'd have graduated by then.... travelling lor.

7. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP?
yeah

8. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL?
honeystars!

9. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF?
nope

10. WOULD YOU MOVE AGAIN?
i want to. the whole travelling thing, remember

11. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE?
hrmm. their faces probably. but that's really very extremely quickly replaced by judgements on all their other aspects. i'm unfortunately quite judgemental until i actually know the person, then i don't care.

12. RED OR PINK?
red. i like red. i want a red dress.

13. WHAT IS YOUR LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF?
my snootiness.

14. WHAT DO YOU MISS THE MOST?
nz

15. WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST?
tricky. hmmm. i'll come back and answer this later, hopefully i remember.
oh yes, i did remember to come back. yeah i have my answer. i miss those who are away from me. especially gina. i miss gina the most.

16. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO COMPLETE THIS LIST?
well if you do, i'll know you read my blog! haha

17. WHAT COLOR PANTS AND SHOES ARE YOU WEARING RIGHT NOW?
black fbts and i'm in bed so no shoes

18. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW?
the fan

19. WHAT ANNOYS YOU THE MOST?
people who don't care about poverty, or are lazy about it

20. FAVORITE SMELL?
hugo :) i have a blog post about it somewhere. too bad blogspot doesn't have the search thing.

21. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE?
phone? hrmm. aik, apparently. yesterday. can't remember what about though

22. DO YOU LIKE THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU?
no one did :)

23. FAVORITE SPORTS TO WATCH?
not one favourite

24. HAIR COLOR?
black

25. EYE COLOR?
i dunno leh

26. DO YOU HAVE ANY MAJOR REGRETS?
yes

27. FAVORITE FOOD?
singaporean

28. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS?
HAPPY

29. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED, AND WITH WHOM?
slumdog with my brother. yay.

30. WHAT COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING?
sec sch pe shirt so worn it's practically trans

31. SUMMER OR WINTER?
SUMMER. i HATE winter.

32. HUGS OR KISSES?
oh. uh. hugs, probably. i have my reasons.

33. MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND?
no one, probably.

34. LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND?
duh

35. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING NOW?
why does this question assume singularity?
Currently: Surprised by Hope (N.T Wright), Essays by Amy Tan, Mister God this is Anna by Fynn, and i just finished The Life God blesses (Gordon Macdonald), and reread Dracula (Bram Stoker) over the past two nights. oh, and Terry Prachet's Carpe Jugglum.

36. WHAT IS ON YOUR MOUSE PAD?
my finger?

37. WHAT DID YOU WATCH ON TV LAST NIGHT?
i didn't.

38.WHAT LITTLE THING MAKES YOU HAPPY?
quality time. i'm a very quality time person. leave me alone, and i'll feel sad.
unless i'm busy and don't have time for you.

39. ROLLING STONES OR BEATLES?
beatles

40. WHAT IS THE FARTHEST YOU HAVE BEEN FROM HOME?
india? either that, or new zealand

41. DO YOU HAVE A SPECIAL TALENT?
probably

42. WHERE WERE U BORN?
kk

43. WHOSE ANSWERS ARE YOU LOOKING FORWARD TO GETTING BACK?
if anyone answers this, it would be gratifying yes

44. HOW DID YOU MEET YOUR SPOUSE/SIGNIFICANT OTHER?
wouldn't you like to know

where i try to sound intellectual.

restless. restless.

rachel would like to be:

1. more intellectual. as in, making use of it, i suppose, since i already have it it's just hidden underneath and i don't care to bring it out all that often. unless there's like some idiot (usually guy) in class trying to pose all brilliant and insightful and... generally coming off SMARMY. caterpillar goo and mashed up fat caterpillar legs for brain stuffing. then yeah, i bother using my smarts. but then again not really, i usually content myself with many mutterings in my (hidden) intellectual brain. like how i called said idiot caterpillar goo mashed up fat brain. well anyway i do like intelligence, you know, girls who use it turn me on. HAHAHHAHAA.

2. provocative. the last above sentence was for my best friend, who very firmly believes that homosexuality is Not For Rachel. but no, really, it's true. i guess i haven't seen many intelligent guys (or blogs i suppose since that's where i get my ideas from: smart girl = writes smart/about smart stuff like her essays and ideas and stuff like that); the smart ones are girls. so i have no choice but to admire it in girls right? okay okay. i shall narrow my definition. i like people who genuinely enjoy intellect/using it, and it shows in their conversation and personal writings. do i make sense? okay la evidently i'm not smart after all. rachel should just face her bimbotic self because that's the real her right. YOU KNOW I'M QUOTING FROM YOU. because i get this quite a lot. okay my point's been totally lost ggxx ttm. (epic) PHAIL.

can you stop trying to sound like some sixteen year old pls kthnxbye.