speaking of waiting, look what arrived in the mail today (yes, the mail as in letterbox mail. because my friends love me so):

Clinging to God in Solitude
by Henri Nouwen

'When we enter into solitude to be with God alone, we quickly discover how dependent we are without the many distractions of our daily lives, we feel anxious and tense when nobody speaks to us, calls on us, or needs our help, we start feeling like nobodies.

Then we begin wonering whether we are useful, valuable, and significant. Our tendency is to leave this fearful solitude quickly and get busy again to reassure ourselves that we are "somebodies". But that is a temptation, because what makes us somebodies is not other people's responses to us but God's eternal love for us.

To claim the truth of ourselves we have to cling to our God in solitude as to the One who makes us who we are.'

Emphasis mine.

while this hasn't really been my experience (i do get out and go about, meeting people, working with projects etc), i think it captures the perspective that people tend to look through to me. often the questions they ask, 'what do you do?', 'so you haven't found a job?', 'when are you going to start working?', 'and until then..?', reflect the mindset that a jawb is my end goal, when really, there are goals to be appreciated and fulfilled in this time too. i remain really thankful that God has given me this space of x months (where x is a number only He knows) to rest, to expand, to be.

so let's end with the verse mary-ruth wrote:

"Let not the wise man boast of his wisdom

or the strong man boast of his strength

or the rich man boast of his riches.

But let him who boasts boast about this:

that he understands and knows me,

that I am the Lord,

who exercises kindness, justice and righteousness on earth,

for in these I delight"

Jeremiah 9:23-24

v24 gives me the shivers man, and makes my heart expand.