hullo. okay I said I'd explain and I will now. It will be short and succinct.

I met someone while working during the hols. We'll call that someone mr it. He's old [in his 40s I think], and has a rather formal manner. Well after I left, mr it started messaging me. I think he got my number from the loan records [I'd borrowed an item while working]. And then he started emailing. I gave him my nus address because I was supposed to send a photo we took on my last day. There was nothing perverse in his emails, but they were inappropriate because of their intensity. Then somehow he found my hotmail account.

I don't know how he did that [you guys reading this ought to know that my email is next-to-impossible to figure out not least because of the spelling] but the fact that he had was a shock. If he can find my personal email address, he can find other stuff. And he did. The last straw came when he found la-mnemosyne.

The idea of this man reading my thoughts and feelings was definitely too much for me. I found out about it because there was this anonymous reader and with all this going on, I was getting paranoid so I deleted a post he commented on. I went numb when later that night he emailed me with the title "forgive me" and in it he talked about how sorry he was but he couldn't help reading my posts because that was the only way he could find out more about me.
I hadn't expected the anonymous person to be him; I just thought I was thinking too much.

I don't know if the guys will understand how vulnerable a girl feels when she finds herself threatened. During this entire period the vast majority, I'd say almost no guy could empathise. Most simply dismissed all the going-ons or implicity told me I was over-reacting. And that really hurt because I was going through quite a bit [there were other things going on too this past week] and if there was anything I needed from my guy friends was assurance that they were there for me. I mean, yes, the most common offer I got was to beat mr it up. But it's easy to tell when they're offering because they think it's funny. The thing was, none of this was funny to me and only one or two were there to listen to me. The rest were too busy; either too busy to stop and stay or too busy attempting to solve the problem.

So girlfriends 1, boyfriends 0. hah.

And that'd be the deal with my choked-upness. I suspect a direct co-relation between how I write and the events of my life. The last time I really had fun writing was back in mid-july and it's been more than a month half. Since then I've been forcing out posts and, losing one's groove for writing sucks like crap. Undignified words, but true.
I'm also sorry that getting here is such a chore now. =/


well. Now that that's out of my system, maybe things'll look up and I'll be light in heart again.