so my dad was telling me about his plan to change our car's engine system to be more efficient, since petrol prices keep rising. as i sat there and listened to his description, i thought- 'i have such a cool dad'.

it's still the same :)

drops of jupiter/ in a burning room

- oh, for a place of beauty.

because i've been to milky-blue lakes and ancient glaciers, and skies rolling beyond the sea. i've seen steppes and boys riding bareback on horses, leaping up and galloping wild into the fields. i've seen mountains that moved me to silent whispers, streams that rippled crystal clear over smooth oval pebbles.

i've seen the sea in sepia, i've seen it in technicolor. i've seen the sun set in splendour that took my breath away; i saw the moon rise from behind the hill, near enough to touch. i'll always remember, perhaps, trying to catch the moon. thank you, you who were once here, for imagining with me, precisely for not saying, the moon cannot be caught.

beauty is no longer part of my daily living, and what we don't see - reality|memory is- nothing more substantial than a film of tracing paper. more than that, something within has lain down and closed its eyes, that once was alive. it doesn't live here, it can't.

- time: a matter of colour shading in, -and sleep is a smell.

mom applies computer studies to real life-

[i've been educating mom on the wonders of ctrl+a/c/n/v/s/z/y on word docs]

me: so remember, ctrl+z is to undo, ctrl+y is to redo.

mom pauses for awhile, then-

mom: so if i want nat to go back to that cute, sweet little boy, i press ctrl+z?

me: [startled, but-] yes. and let's say you press ctrl+z too many times and he becomes an amoebae and goes back to your womb, what do you press?

mom: mm. ctrl+y?

clever mommy.

one two three four- ev'ry-day im prayer-in'

you know you've been drinking a lot of tea when, on the way back from returning your breakfast plate you happen to make eye contact with the drink aunty and the next thing you know you're back at your seat with a cup of tea in hand, somehow. i've got tea in the brain.

mmm hi, october's week old already; i meant to come here so many times in september but what with one thing after another; never quite made it. so much happened in september. all the lists and thoughts i jotted on the fly (i had to let them out somewhere) won't find themselves here, i don't think. moment's gone.

october's the month people think of christmas, i don't know why. daddy talked of october and christmas the same sentence, as did g, and someone else in conversation. i remember sitting in a certain car one year ago, and christmas songs were playing as we went down braddell road. do you think it's weird? i replied, no, truthfully.

poor october, a month loved not for its own.

[where did my tea go? i glance down at my glass; a mere mouthful sits and looks pathetically at me]

i sit too, and it comes to me that contentment comes in the cool weather, a cup of tea and space for thinking. - and peace with God. little things, in a framework of the fundemental.

yesterday i sat with m-r over drinks and we discussed piercings thoroughly, amongst other things. sometime in the night i woke up and found myself touching my collarbone. in the meantime the default air has turned light, and breezy, with hints of chill. my colleages and i have been adding to packs of assorted teas in our area- earl grey twinnings, harrods (earl grey and apple), japanese green tea, honey, vanilla and chamomile tea- i stuck up a post-it today; it is the happiness corner. /hɑpɪnəs kɔ:nə/

rachael yamagata is playing into my earphones; i can't think with the guitar strumming, the shaker going on in the background while she sings, paper doll. hopefully i'll come again quite soon.