Hullo,

I have been tired, i still am tired. But I like this new template; it is structured and orderly, and perhaps in external certainty I can be too, through osmosis or something. Maybe I will be getting better soon, I might.


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I have been thinking these days (alright what's new). But now I can't remember much, what.

I told matthew earlier today that I'm not really a reality person, I think, I capture experiences in terms of concepts/issues/feelings, especially feelings. So when I try to recall... I don't have much to go on. And it's true. I'm never able to remember much. I think I do, but I don't, not really. I have snippets of still shots in what I can remember, where I see myself and hannah up at the gallery overlooking the hall, studying, which is ridiculous because if it's my memory I shouldn't be able to see myself.

I could go on, but I suppose the point that matters at this juncture is that I'm feeling like. like a non-person. I don't have memories of events or experiences, for reasons i can't fanthom I remember in feelings, in smells. And these are such stupid ways to record moments and lives and years.

It sucks to feel like a non-person. Or to conclude myself as not much of a reality person. As though somehow I have been out of touch with reality all the years of growing up, and I cannot remember my secondary school days in the ways that matter. I could try to tell funny stories about unforgettable events, but is the storage in my head so little that the mundane details pour out the way water spills out of a jar? Tonight, I want to remember reality, I want to remember the mundane details that made up the days of my life, that matter.


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About post below- thanks, for the people who showed care and asked after me one way or another, comments msn conversations thanks guys. It's good to know you're there.


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I've been talking heaps with pearlyn lately, which i am very content about.

Her restlessness I have caught; now what I want is also a field and some sky, to sit and think with the wind.


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Or maybe, maybe, I'm just bored.

That I need something to burn this restless pacing off, again and again, to melt and resolidfy, but maybe this time I won't settle for pretty tinsel in the wind.