hello, am tired and was constructive today, but still sad.

it is-
hard to be a sister, hard to be a growing up girl. or maybe woman.
hard to be meek, hard to be present.


am-


hating tiffs, currently hating this heart of mine. why is it so sensitive why is it so caring.

missing other places, missing other people. missing twins.
wishing it wasn't so hard, wanting to be gone from myself.
tired of living for other people. being affected by them.


i


need to learn to care for myself, maybe. i think gina said something a little like that before. i miss gina.
feel heavy. i feel heavy and sad and wordless. and worthless.
don't want to care about anyone anymore. just want to hide away. or be with people who don't care about me. caring is a milstone around my neck and i am drowning in care by care.


tonight is the perfect night to be with the twins. i want them but i don't care to show it so they will be comfortable with me.



want the twins. don't want anyone else.

want to be happy again please.