* difficult. since when hasn't it been? but even then it was especially difficult. and more and more i am struck by my utter inadequacy to face their lives. when did leading/facilitating bible study become so difficult?? if only the older ones would come and take the reins.
* it has occured to me that this space has been, of late, in shambles. posts and thoughts thrown. thoughtlessly here, the owner not quite caring about the structure and order of the big picture. quizzes of epic proportions (this post will push one onto the archives page, thankfully. one down) on repeat, with the words 'i don't have time to deal, i'm still avoiding the whole thing', written all over them. it's not the questions i have been answering to, but the answers i have been splaying across this entire interface since mid march. it's coming to may now.
5 comments:
Um, aren't you the older one? Mature and wise(r) and having eaten more salt than they have rice.. :>
Oh wells, time to mug.. When's ya papers and stuff? :>
Jon
not old enough la... hai.
yeahhh garden muggers. =Pp
i recall what i heard during one of the yaf meetings:
we're not shepherds, they are not Our sheep. we're just older sheep pointing to The Shepherd.
(well, something like that)
ingsessi - ingest sarsi (incidentally, i think i'm down with a mild bout of stomach flu. pfft.)
babe, i really don't know/feel certain- i'm so uncertain and think that really i might not be adequate for the 17-20 year olds. some of their questions are so rebellious, some others are unspoken but (when i find out), the depth of their questioning leaves me utterly, utterly speechless. it's so earnest and so heartfelt.
i deal with defensive, proud attitudes (and fail), and i discover heartaches and hearts so tender i am horrified i hold them in my hands. or even that i am somehow involved in those hearts.
they need someone else.. someone far more knowledgable, far more experienced. i feel like they've got the short end of the stick, with me.
Inadequate? Yeah. Rebellious? Yeah. Feel like i'm losing some of em, unappreciated and wanna throw em to someone else? Yayaya.
4 years later they're still disruptive, won't listen well in class and STILL breaking wind.. Rushing through my prepared lesson to make up for their tardiness and getting a chorus of "we dun wanna do this book, lessons so long" in thanks is mildly irritating, with understatement written in.
And then again, there's knowing that it's a responsibility given by God, to raise em to be good Christian gentlemen, and the pride when one of em does something right, and the search for and growth in knowledge in the Almighty Creator that just manages to counteract the negatives.. :>
There's always the temptation to leave them to someone else, feelings of inadequacy that don't just go away, but i guess, after all and in the end, there'll always be the few who get purified in fire and come out like gold. If you've made a difference in one life, thats a good work done alr i feel..
JonnyBoy
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