re.collections.

Do you remember?
The first day I came. I remember rachel’s excitement, so strong she clutched my hand. I tried to smile in return because I was more reserved than she. Then again, it was her second trip. I have no doubt I’ll do the same-if not more- when I return [God willing].
I remember looking at the steps of the stairs leading to Harem Lodge [or Lizards’ Lounge] and not wanting to carry my bag up ALL the way. Can’t remember who, but one of you grabbed my bag with me protesting behind.
I must have grown stronger during my stay, cz when I carried my bag down that final day, I didn’t even think about it.
Except that I didn’t want to leave.

Do you remember the games at the field?
Where the boys played soccer and I knocked down fruits for you from some hitherto unknown tree. I didn’t like the taste of its fruit; I think Pauline and I were pretty brave to try it. haha. But you kept asking me to get/pluck/knock down more, so I guess there must have been something about it.

Do you remember?
Our seedlings at Lychee Farm. Oh man the clearing of the grass patch. So many weeds! A giant heap more than a metre high they made.
I remember the boys in awe of michael’s strength. What it took three of them to do was his solo act. I remember my awe at isaac’s arms. [shame on you mayoplex guzzling iron pumping gym rats. A 14 year old who hasn’t entered a gym in his entire life has arms far more toned and formed than any of you.] And what arms they were. I remember ying quan said many of them have eight packs. I remember Rachel teasing me and I remember teasing her back.
I hope our seedling survive the winter. And the goats.

Do you remember?
The marble table we played checkers on. Where I learnt how to play without a word of English. Not bad huh.
I remember how you play. No. I remember how you play for me. Each one of you. After my mmm second move you’d take over my games, obviously thinking I was a stupid ignorant girl uneducated in the finer points of checkers. You were right my dears, you were right. And it gave me pleasure to sit back and watch.
I remember you ‘bailai”ing each other, and how we each picked up the other’s habits. Don’t say “lah”! lah is bad. haha. I will always remember “bailai”, though imitating your grunts that serve as a signal that you’re done in beyond me. Even yabo [who is six] grunted. A little boy making old men grunts. You made me smile.

Do you remember? When I first made friends with you? I can’t, you know. But that’s alright cz I feel like I’ve known you for years. I would look at your brown hair and wonder if they had been highlighted by the sun. I remember teaching you Frisbee. And we became friends. I remember sitting beside you as you were taught the alphabet. I remember teaching you my name. Although I was never entirely sure you understood what I was telling you.
I would have liked you know realize the significance of my telling you my name. I’d have liked you to remember me.
I also remember being puzzled during the second week of my stay at Home. You suddenly withdrew, without rhyme or reason. Didn’t talk to me, didn’t smile, didn’t even want to throw the disc when I invited you to. Just moped with your sad eyes. Didn’t, or couldn’t tell me why either. Did you like the sweet shawne gave you? Tell you a secret. It was from me.
On my last day… I went to you and said, “I go home. Singapore.” You didn’t say a word my dear. Just smiled and blinked so much, nodding your head in all directions at the same time. What was I to do? I told you to be a good boy; I hope you caught the drift of my meaning. Joel did, when I told him the same thing. Funny Joel. Out of all the younger children, you two are the ones I was closest to. Did you know?

Do you remember? The Night of Laughs?
I remember. I remember.
I remember your joy, screams of laughter, claps of excitement. Thank God He gave the inspiration and memory to teach the games. He blessed that night so richly, in more ways than you know.
I have scenes in my head… of all of you. Of your enthusiasm, willingness, and eager participation.
I have tears in my eyes.

How can I finish.
Of a life in two weeks. Of my life that was for two weeks so rich, so wonderful, so new and so real.

I remember the seesaw, michael. Of your amazement when you stayed in the air and I, on the ground. Law of the fulcrum my dear. I’m heavier. But you couldn’t guess my weight. Not that I’d have let you anyway. grin. Hey. Is 40kg considered light for a 1.5m, 14 year old boy?

I remember the barbecue. Of your resourcefulness. Of the novelty of blowing a pipe to fan the flames. I remember you and you, Isaac and Michael, trying to guess my age. hurhur. Do I really look 15? Your closest guess was 19. After one million tries.

I remember Fang mountain. I remember the simple skit that moved so many. Proud to be of service, Father.
I remember laughing with Jieren about our spooky sleeping place.

I remember riding on the horse… I want to do that again.
I remember the pushups you made me do you terrible boy. You, Timothy. I was so sporting right.

I also remember your nod. I’ve been remembering it since I came home. I don’t know why, but it makes me miss Home a lot. Emotions are irrational, I tell you. Plucking out the weirdest memories.
Did you know? I have a habit now. Whenever I say thank you to anyone, I have to control the hands. They invariably come together… the same way your hands clasp each other when you say your thanks.

I remember the fireworks. So many we played with.

I remember the steamboat nights. Laughing so hard my laugh turned into undignified howls. ohwell. I couldn’t help it.
Hey Deborah. And Eunice. Remember to master the game k. I want to see it when I return.

I remember the rides. The lorry… The lorry.
The four wheel drive I want too. It’s the coolest thing I’ve ever seen. Such a beauty. Ying Quan told me in awestruck tones that it has a turbo button. I don’t know what a turbo button is, but it must be really THE button to own. heh. I’ll drive you all to school when I’m back k?

Pause.

There’s no way I can finish this.
Going to turn on the fairy lights now.

Goodnight.