taking a break from replying christmas cards.

the days leading up to christmas was somewhat difficult; i was aware of it, but not why, at least not till i was talking with my brother and zac on christmas day itself over lunch, and realised it was probably because we'd spent so many years out of the country during christmas that when we were here this year, we were kind of lost. we were used to scooting off to the airport on the xth of december, and making our epic way up to chiang mai via public buses and third class sixteen hour train rides, and then spending the days prior to christmas assembling sweets and goodies for children, and rehearsing for the christmas skit, agreeing to be mary, or joseph, a roman soldier or even a mad woman. like, seriously. no role non-negotiable.

and so with such memories and tradition, being here for the christmas season had me feeling like a fish out of water, and distinctly unchristmassey. i even forgot to prepare for christmas the way i used to before. and i thought this year christmas would be a kind of forced happiness. but-

on christmas day, standing in the middle of fellowship hall (what a lovely name) after service, with various people coming up and hearing my name called to be given cards and baked goodies, i found it. i found the meaning for christmas at home: it's in being surrounded and loved by the ones i love.

and so now, i'll write back to those i was loved by... after i come back from caroling. haha. <3 merry christmas everyone, for real now.