because i need some rescuing, and some saving.

they say the first step to recovery is admission- well then, i confess to a recent touch of mild obsession with sodoku (sokudo?). next sign of a more than mild touch will be the mastery of its name.

tonight i sit here with matt redman playing on repeat (i need the song), and thinking over the day. in the morning i went swimming, finally. it was good, pushing through waters that held me up. everything was blue, and i am a brown tan now. my hair still smells faintly of chlorine, chlorine that seeped in through the laps while i swam and thought thoughts.

speaking of thoughts, i have been trying. i try because i believe in the end point. i know what i'm looking at, and i will know it better than i know it now.

/can i be alone with my thoughts? prolonged was the season wherein i could, but for now, i cannot.