on reputation

i've realised.
that it's different now. where in the past i genuinely wasn't bothered, played along even, these days it matters a bit more, so that when someone (<- this being a person whose regard matters) asks if the x label i've been given is true, i sigh a little inside.

it didn't use to matter. people i cared for knew me beyond the rumours, and never bothered with them. then one day i was told i couldn't be trusted because of label xyz, and it's never really been the same since.

i never want it to happen again. not that i can help it. if the other party is content with hearsay and so locks me in, that's merely a right exercised. no protests, game over. i could wish with all my heart you'd fought that bit more to exonerate me, or took the time to see that who i was is no longer who i am, but not everyone can make that distinction.

p/s i read this over and realised it sounds gloomy. i'm not gloomy! just thinking aloud, guess the subject's inherently kind of sad.