The Bewildering Call of God

"This bewildering call of God comes into our lives as well. The call of God can never be understood absolutely or explained externally; it is a call that can only be perceived and understood internally by our true inner-nature. The call of God is like the call of the sea— no one hears it except the person who has the nature of the sea in him. What God calls us to cannot be definitely stated, because His call is simply to be His friend to accomplish His own purposes. Our real test is in truly believing that God knows what He desires. The things that happen do not happen by chance— they happen entirely by the decree of God. God is sovereignly working out His own purposes."

That what is happening in my life now, is not my own purpose (which definitely isn't, because if i had my way things would be different) but God's. God sovereignly working out His own purpose. There are many threads now, thick ones, thin ones, soft threads, taut threads. Somehow, He's weaving them, and these will one day be beautiful. It will take a lifetime, but these will one day be beautiful. It's not my own purpose. Why is this so hard to accept? These days I am happier in my dreams than in the waking world.

"If we are in fellowship and oneness with God and recognize that He is taking us into His purposes, then we will no longer strive to find out what His purposes are. As we grow in the Christian life, it becomes simpler to us, because we are less inclined to say, "I wonder why God allowed this or that?" And we begin to see that the compelling purpose of God lies behind everything in life, and that God is divinely shaping us into oneness with that purpose. A Christian is someone who trusts in the knowledge and the wisdom of God, not in his own abilities. If we have a purpose of our own, it destroys the simplicity and the calm, relaxed pace which should be characteristic of the children of God."

Consider everything up there bolded. So there comes a point in time when I don't even struggle to find out His purposes. I surf along with trust. I don't push for my own agenda anymore; I don't even demand to know His. I trust, because I have seen His knowledge, wisdom and love, and the more I trust the more I see His divine hand in everything in life.

Okay. am sorry, but right now it's just painful. will try, though.