hello, is anyone else thinking overthinking?

i was planning to write on (dare i say it?) love, found that erica had beat me to it. but it's alright; she intellectualised it, i'm going to emotionavise it.

i don't know about love, i don't know about the love between a man and a woman. even the heart beating for another; it's been so long.

i think i'm afraid to love (a man). i love my girls. the sunday school girls, the duckies, the older (jc till 19) ones, my own girlfriends times many many. i love them unabashedly, i love them wholeheartedly. but loving a... guy? (yes i shield from the word man.)

a heart desiring another = desiring another's company = hope = expectations- and we all know that expectations are only pre-disappointments.
i don't think i can deal with disappointments.

i'll think about it a little more. for now, i'm tired. and there are many things on my calender. really, i know i say it all the time, but it's always true, and now it's truer than ever.

so long, farewell