why i leave

so that all the relationships i've messed up over, can lie fallow, like fields that have been plouged too often now warped and needing rest.

fine, i honestly see (much better) now. boys and boys and girls are girls, and i cannot treat them the same. boys will not let me treat them the same. they will wonder, they will think different.

things cannot go on the way they were before. the land is changed with peace and stillness, i can be too. as will the relationships that have been sown messily, grown terribly and reaped unahppily.

i'm sorry for those i messed up, because i thought we could be open, and close, and good. i didn't believe that being a boy and being a girl would make any difference. strike one, rachel.

okay. vulnerable moment over. rachel will come back and remember that boys are different, and cannot be girlfriends.