It has been a long week. There was much to be done, and many thoughts to think.

I sat down here for awhile and tried, to talk about them in some semblence of logical frames but catergorising them as topics proved too difficult and I found myself deleting more than I wrote. So I decided, I will take what comes; for now my objective is to string coherent sentences that flow in some kind of direction.

Abruptly- I've been pondering a lot about relationships these days. Nothing particularly in-depth, mostly watching of couples and people and thinking about them, what they do. I find that affectionate acts have become foreign, and as of now I cannot imagine opening myself up like they. More I cannot imagine: accepting, and allowing. someone into my life, building my life with said someone, investing, and willingly putting time and effort for him. etc etc etc. All these go so far deeper than a friendship, but friendship is all I have now to offer anyone. I do not think I have within me to give more. Not now anyway, while I am still feeling my way through, and trying to regain that which I gave away. Funny, I sound like I have lost hope.

mmm. I was catching up with a friend of mine last night, and at the end of many yakults and louhan guo I am somewhat vexed. Why do I not get impulse gifts of pretty baubles and trinklets? Surely NUS' bazaars are not any plainer than SMU's; I would like pretty earrings too. But I suppose I am sounding like a spoilt child now. Alright, I'll hush. It's just, little bits of prettiness makes the world go round. There ought to be more guys like that friend of mine.

Moving on, onto another tilting of my head. In other words, on another night, I was chatting away with raghu and in the midst of all the streams and rivulets of easy conversation he said something I really liked, when he was talking about his past romances, something along the lines of when a new relationship comes... all the bad memories and times of the old one fades... because there is new hope. I really did like that, I suppose it was because it was really revelant that night. But I was not thinking of that line for myself. For that night, I believed that hope in you means hope in me. But it doesn't always work that way; sometimes it's about who is left feeling sadder and by all accounts I think strangely enough, I've been tagged It.

On blocking of feelings and boys: wilson said that boys do it better, ben ulty said that once before too and just today guangyou said that guys are strong.

There. I've written enough. Catharsis has taken place.

And there are happy things, there are. Like spontaneous singing sessions with my father, as he decides to strum his guitar. Moments like those, like it was just now, remind me that there are things that matter more, if only I remember them, like the sound of my daddy's voice and mine in song.