dead

It has been a long time since I felt the disappointment of a badly played game. Then again, I'm not sure if I should feel grateful that I'm finally in a Team, again. I suppose sportsmen and women will know what I mean. A Team is a team that has standard. It's been so long... since I've been part of a team close to this level. Four years....
and then I had to screw up.

One would think that playing netball for six years would be enough practice. and it wasn't like the other team was a. Team.
Well actually, no, six years of practice isn't enough. Not if the last two were spent in a fooling around, and then a year-long hiatus, sabbatical, whatever. and all this while, the rest of this team has been punishing their bodies into prime condition, playing at top level leagues. well guess who was ultra conscious of that, and eventually buckled under the pressure of playing wing attack tonight. If our opponents had been of higher quality, I would have been the link in the chain that broke. arrrrgh.

When daphne said after the match that she didn't want to play netball anymore, I could totally emphathise. It's really hard, to face it, that hey you, you don't play like you used to. you've lost it. That really sucks. There isn't any point trying to say, but hey, I think you play really well. Because I know what really well means, and I'm nowhere near that. I'm competent, and that's about it. Ever since I've left the team that won the championship in the west zone, I've lost it. For without proper training, what use is a player? Don't talk to me about jc, that one was a joke. Don't get me started on a certain person who skipped half a year of training, and then had the audacity to accuse me of. a lot of things. okay fine I'll stop bitching.

So yeah. After this, I'll stop. Maybe this is part of what they call growing up. Where you recognise that you're too fat, too slow, where your muscles have atrophied and the only big thing you have about you is your beer belly. So you face it, that you aren't the rubgy captain anymore, the big shot whose name was breathelessly whispered in awe. Better than being one of those who still appear to think that they've washboard abs and flaunt the [dare I taunt them?] belly. yeahhhh well so I'm hanging up the netball shoes, and forget about the glorious years. I'll assimiliate nicely into the university crowd. Turning twenty, isn't she.

Whatever. Maybe I'll look back a year or so later, and it'll be better.
But for now, for tonight, it's bitter.