Where my mind wanders..

At least I hope it will. Too long since I've done this. Minds do lose the touch, you know. Maybe I've turned victim to the insidious forces that work to nullify words, that in a bid to be able to do "writing and critical thinking" [a module of mine], I've been irrevocably torn assunder from Mind Wandering. Perhaps the way my mind twists and turns has now been channelled according to the way the system wants my mind to twist and turn.. so is there still true creativity anymore? If I am trained to see things by a specific methodology, a certain system, do I still hold the cards or have I shown my hand? Or have my cards been replaced by something else?

Is this all I can do? Surely not.

chris said hi to me the other day, and in the course of our [msn] conversation, he asked if I was still "spunky". Go check out thesarus.com, dear readers, and type "spunky". I'd copy and paste the results for you myself, except that for some reason Blogger allows it not. For each synoym, take out your paper and pen and put a tick beside each word if you think it fits me. Or maybe, how it used to fit.
chris got me all introspective after that. For one, not having seen him for roughly 4 years now meant that he still thought of me as "cheeky" and "confident" [his own words], and for two, that meant that I realised how much I've changed since he saw me last.

I think this would be mostly for people who have known me for.. 5 years? Or while I was still in secondary school at least. I have changed, I deny that not. at all.

Main entry: Rachel
Part of speech: noun
Definition: Spunky
Synonyms: assuming, audacious, brazen, brash, cheeky, confident, forward, gritty, gutsy, impudent, pert, presumptuous, rude, sassy, saucy, shameless, smart, smart-alecky

There. I typed it out after all, albeit an incomplete one.. because it's what I probably was, out of all the many many words that apparently form a spunky girl, if you put them together.
I really have changed. This realisation is. resigned to the fact that I am. Notwithstanding the resignation, I still feel sombre about it.

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is a positive demonstration of a convoluted sentence, as I believe my highly exalted [in my opinion at least] literature teachers will say.
Anyway.


Why have I lost- it? The cheerful spunk/grit/gusty/frank nature of mine? Or, has it ripened and matured into..... have I assimilated it such that it is no longer a Characteristic of me, per se, but Me? Narh... I don't really think I'm so openly cheerful anymore.
shrug. These things aren't worth thinking about right. I've been told I think too much. That is, I beat myself in the head when I do. [Source: Mayboo]

It's just that. If I were to redo the above entry, now in year 2006, based on what I've been hearing about me in my presence...

Main entry: Rachel
Part of speech: noun
Definition: Bimbo
Synonyms: chionger [read: clubber], cute, extremist introspecter

Yeahh well. Honestly, these are things that's been said in my presence. See the difference?
Yet, I don't think I'm any of these.

Except extremist introspecter. I mean. Look what I'm doing. haha. Maybe I should stop blogging huh? suggestion suggestion.