i have a kiwi in my room and i don't know what to do with it

See if you use that as your moniker on msn ["I have a kiwi in my room and I don't know what to do with it"], these are some answers you might get:

Most commonly- "eat it"
Jeremy- "send it back to nz"
an army friend- "use it to polish your boots"
a certain girl went- "SMASH IT AGAINST THE WALL"

These, dear readers, are my friends. (:

to these girlfriends of mine..

Thank you.
The four of you were here for me during the past two weeks in a very real and close way.. One's the first one I told, the other knows the little details that I found so hard to say, the next knows the entire thing, from analysis to reflection, and the last was just here for me, to comfort and reassure.

The two weeks are up.. so.. thanks girls... I couldn't have done it without you. I love you.  

Where my mind wanders..

At least I hope it will. Too long since I've done this. Minds do lose the touch, you know. Maybe I've turned victim to the insidious forces that work to nullify words, that in a bid to be able to do "writing and critical thinking" [a module of mine], I've been irrevocably torn assunder from Mind Wandering. Perhaps the way my mind twists and turns has now been channelled according to the way the system wants my mind to twist and turn.. so is there still true creativity anymore? If I am trained to see things by a specific methodology, a certain system, do I still hold the cards or have I shown my hand? Or have my cards been replaced by something else?

Is this all I can do? Surely not.

chris said hi to me the other day, and in the course of our [msn] conversation, he asked if I was still "spunky". Go check out thesarus.com, dear readers, and type "spunky". I'd copy and paste the results for you myself, except that for some reason Blogger allows it not. For each synoym, take out your paper and pen and put a tick beside each word if you think it fits me. Or maybe, how it used to fit.
chris got me all introspective after that. For one, not having seen him for roughly 4 years now meant that he still thought of me as "cheeky" and "confident" [his own words], and for two, that meant that I realised how much I've changed since he saw me last.

I think this would be mostly for people who have known me for.. 5 years? Or while I was still in secondary school at least. I have changed, I deny that not. at all.

Main entry: Rachel
Part of speech: noun
Definition: Spunky
Synonyms: assuming, audacious, brazen, brash, cheeky, confident, forward, gritty, gutsy, impudent, pert, presumptuous, rude, sassy, saucy, shameless, smart, smart-alecky

There. I typed it out after all, albeit an incomplete one.. because it's what I probably was, out of all the many many words that apparently form a spunky girl, if you put them together.
I really have changed. This realisation is. resigned to the fact that I am. Notwithstanding the resignation, I still feel sombre about it.

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is a positive demonstration of a convoluted sentence, as I believe my highly exalted [in my opinion at least] literature teachers will say.
Anyway.


Why have I lost- it? The cheerful spunk/grit/gusty/frank nature of mine? Or, has it ripened and matured into..... have I assimilated it such that it is no longer a Characteristic of me, per se, but Me? Narh... I don't really think I'm so openly cheerful anymore.
shrug. These things aren't worth thinking about right. I've been told I think too much. That is, I beat myself in the head when I do. [Source: Mayboo]

It's just that. If I were to redo the above entry, now in year 2006, based on what I've been hearing about me in my presence...

Main entry: Rachel
Part of speech: noun
Definition: Bimbo
Synonyms: chionger [read: clubber], cute, extremist introspecter

Yeahh well. Honestly, these are things that's been said in my presence. See the difference?
Yet, I don't think I'm any of these.

Except extremist introspecter. I mean. Look what I'm doing. haha. Maybe I should stop blogging huh? suggestion suggestion.

army days

Everyone/Everyone having fun (: /'87 boys!! minus ian, marvin, and yq/ '87 guys all grown up. awww.... 

hneh.

On a side note, it seems that after 19 years of blissful ignorance, the road to domestic goddessism has started. As if learning how to do the laundry and ironing [or attempting to iron] wasn't enough, this is what my mom said today as we were passing a wet market after lunch:


[pointing to the boxes of sweet potato and tapioca]- "I like sweet potato and tapioca. You should find a way to gel them together so that they can be eaten in a cake or something. So go and experiment. After all, you're a girl."

HNEH.

Your first look at my friends.. where andy treats us to nydc :))

Bright and cheery surroundings... and this is how we look like as freshies. I wonder how things will change by the end of four years.
[But I will not dwell on that because I have told myself not to think so much, to go with the flow, to loosen up and let things go.]

Introducing some of the people I hang out with, eat with in the mornings and nights, meet up for lunch in the day, people who crash each others' rooms to do things together, who go to fongseng and buy stuff for us, who teach each other how to ballot for tutorials, to work the washing machine and how to actually iron. heh. Okay the boys taught the girls. We steal food from each other all the time, because food is communal between us. Give each other wake up calls, swim together, and tease each other....  

suprise birthday parddies :))

The girls are gorgeous, the guys are cute. haha. serious. Two of our girls are running for their faculty pageants. miss arts and miss engine. (: The guys are hilarious and so boyish. We are good together.

Fyonic.. love us or hate us, we're the best thing to have come out of orientation. (:  

HELLOOOOOOOOOOOOO miss singapore-in-japan/car driver to school/TEACHER [hurhur] i replied to your comment/post. Just wanted to let you know that. heh.


Be good. Eat your veggies and drink lots of water.
Make sure the SINGAPORE flag flies high okay.
grinn.


Don't embarrass your [very bright and full of potential] ex-students back here over there yar. =)
We'll go for roti pratas and eggs when you come back okayy??
:D

Take care...
-hugs.

- -

Context: 3 lectures back-to-back = 3 x 2 hours = 6 hours of lecture.





Drained.

A movie titled: Two weeks

Sometimes two weeks drop down unexpectedly, without rhyme or reason, seemingly according to whim and fancy.


It doesn't make sense, these two weeks. Why have they been given to me? Already I'm living them as passively as I can, not making the moves or steps. Why? So that I have less to think about once these two weeks end.


I have so many questions. Why? Why, of all the people in the world, that it is the particular two of us who meet as a result of probability and statistics. You see, you could have met her, or her, or her her her. I could have met your friend first, and then you.
But it was me who lagged behind when the rest went on forward, and it was he who invited you and not him.

So, pray tell, what shall we do? Two weeks before you go back to london. But last night the three of us were holding hands walking down the street. Three children secure in their present, as only children -or the child-like- could be. As though we were connected. But what's the use of a connection when the trial period's just two weeks?
I contemplate writing you off as a player, but then your friends confuse me. It wouldn't be fair to take you as a character you are not, if what your friends testify is true, just so that the parting in two weeks will be less painful.

I won't be able to do my readings until I thrash this out of my head and heart.

Readers, if you are reading this and are most confused, I do apologise. This is a [rare] personal post. But I shall tell anyway. Because it's like a movie.
It's like a movie. Think of a protagonist, all right? Think of someone who's uncannily like me. -wince. So. The protagonist spends nineteen years in sports and studies, and never does stuff like stayovers and clubbing. Bring her to uni in august, let her stay in hall for her first time. Oh, and the hall holds a bash at a club.
It's her first time clubbing, and as she gets down from the bus she looks around and thus lags behind her friends. She hastens, and catches up with one of them. Who happens to be with a friend from outside who's crashing the bash. So she's the first one whom he gets introduced to. And oh guess what. as the three of them walk towards the club entrance they see their friends standing outside the queue. It turns out that all of them forgot their id so they can't go in. Coincidently, it is just the three of them who do have id. So the girl and guy get to know each other better. Finally, when everyone comes in [having faked their ids] everything looks like a club should. People chatting, and then drinking, and then dancing. During dancing, in typical movie fashion, they [honestly] get seperated together from the group and spend most of the night wandering around, having fun. The guy's your usual charmer, coiffed and savvy. She writes him off as a player, and vows not to get hurt again. [because, like all movies, she has had an emotional scar from years ago caused by a similar sweet-talker.] She decides that if she does see him again, she'll just take it as it comes and not read anything into whatever happens. Because all sweet-talkers are egoists who care only about their selves. Besides, as per the movie script, the guy is studying in uk and will go back in two weeks. So the girl decides she'll just enjoy the company of a very fun guy for two weeks. Thus she's cool, doesn't think much when he takes ages to reply, doesn't bother that he doesn't initiate a meeting the immediate day after.

But some things happen when they meet again three days later, the two of them plus a friend of his. And now she's just wondering who he really is. He looks like a player, but there are things about him that are different from the other guys she has met. She sees how he interacts with his friend, what they talk about, and later back in hall the first guy talks more about him and she doesn't know what to think anymore. Look, "decent" was a word that kept coming out of his friend's mouth.
But does it matter? He'll be leaving in two weeks. Everything will end in two weeks.
So what's the use of these two weeks? Why are they here?



Well. This is the story thus far. I honestly don't know why this happened this way, and I also don't know what to do. Which is why, as I said, I'm very passive. sigh. and I'd also just die if anyone from my orientation group read this. My friends, please please delete my blog link from yours, especially if you're in nus. and also? This really is not something I do often, sharing my personal life with you, so readers, please just try and empathise.
It really is like a movie huh? Good girl goes clubbing for the first time, meets a guy and writes him off immediately. After some time she changes her mind, is confused blahblahblah. But then there's a catch. This life is just for two weeks. After that they'll seperate and it'll be as though they never met.

I've never heard of this happening in real life before. -grimace. I think the greatest problem I have with is the time frame. I'm used to thinking of relationships [friendships, peopleships, whatever] as lasting.

This is the end of the post. If it stops arubptly, then that's because this is as far as I have gone down the unknown path. This is real life, this is happening now and I don't know what happens next. Will it be boring? Will yesterday's time together be the last, so that she never hears from him again? Or will more time and energy be invested into this? Will he turn out to be a player after all? How will it turn out? How will it end?

Two weeks.

first day of school (:

It was okay I guess.. pretty good in fact. (:

just so you know..

hello hello.. thought I'd announce something. heh. Remember the illness I had some time back? The really dramatic one. and hmm it's like. I lost weight from that.

that's all I wanted to say. heh.

Quotable quotes, bits of fumpee's wisdom etc

Question by father: "Why don't you like her?"
Answer by daughter: "eww! She's like, so hneh." [haha]

Random comment during message: "the way you hold your pen is very cute." [hneh?]

A certain someone's theory: "Heaven is communist" [urp!]

and this is priceless:
"mayboo. says:
sometimes i have to offer the smallest fraction of my attention to other pple.
but your highness, mostly you."

hall life

A question I've been getting over these past two weeks, and it's structure, amazingly enough, appears to be invariable. Maybe the government has finally succeeded and we're showing the fruits of its labour. We all think the same now, from apostrophes to question marks. It was national day yesterday, wasn't it? Send my boo`kay of dead roses to them; congratulations on creating a generation of clones. A remarkable feat. Or maybe, it's just that manipulation of mass media will, Will, have such a consequence. A simple case of cause and effect. Control what society sees and have a common boundary to their horizons. Add in a minimum of 10 years of [again] a controlled education, one where testing the boudaries is taboo and punished. Eventually, a mini 1984 will occur. Not so extreme; I think Orwell was too pessimistic but the concept's definitely there. Alright florist, I retract my bouquet. Give them the loveliest wrappings, and place inside that pretty paper all the stalks of roses you can find, in various states of decay and death. Cut off all the roses' heads; leave only the soggy and rotten petals if you must. This one, you present to our revered leaders on a silver platter covered by the singapore flag.

hmm. and I'd planned to write a post on hall life. Apologies for such a massive digression.

So... eusoff. How's hall? [The Invaried Question]

Ask me the same question everyday and I'd have a different answer. Thankfully though, they can all be grouped under one catergory and that's the one headlined 'Crazy'. The past two weeks...



Three days have passed since I started typing this post. Now I have time again to click on the icon that says "draft" in green [I think], and resume.

But I'm in no mood to carry out a sane conversation.


Went to mos for eusoff's bash last night, and only kim, ashok, you and I had id. I met you first before the rest did because they'd gone on first. Would that have changed things? If you had seen all of us together, at the same time? I don't know. Maybe. In any case, we had a fun time after we [honestly] lost the group.
Why are you so like him?
What shall I say? Of the time so many years ago. Of.. was it three months? Yeah. Of three months of ..
sigh. I think I vowed before, not to do the whole emo thing on my [public] blog. After all, in the months to come, this will only serve as an embarrassing reminder of a weak moment.

You're just here for two weeks. Just two weeks. I can do this. I've survived him, his devastating charm and sweet talk. I hate my taste. I do this to myself, I do.

Just two weeks. I simply have to stay sober.



Guess this post wasn't much about hall life after all.. haha. sorry.

internet connection!

I spent a long time banging out an update on my laptop, but decided not to publish it in the end. :) I'll write it my own style, my own way.
Just a short update yah? I'm happy in hall. :) ta-daah.
The End of the Update.

_______


fussypot says:
why are u like that
fussypot says:
everything also NO
went for a eusoff run. mann. says:
because you ask, well, a lot of me
fussypot says:
meaning?




Meaning that while I'm a happy girl in eusoff [hall] and I like our o.group, there are parts of me that I'm not ready to share. Don't ask me for my blog, don't ask to see certain items in my purse. These things force me open and leave me Vulnerable. I'm not ready. You haven't proven yourself a true friend, and I can't trust you yet. Don't take it personally; it's part of who I am. Sometimes I don't answer all your questions; that's because you ask too close. Friendship takes time, you know?




keep smiling
keep shining
knowing you can always count on me, for sure,
that's what friends are for

for good times
and bad times
i'll be on your side forever more
that's what friends are for...