Last words from a certain Me

I've spent the last couple of days reading through my entire blog. My Rachel Moods, or muse as I used to call her, are few and far between. Guess chelism.blogspot isn't as good as I once thought it was. I would have liked an entire collection of whimsical phantasies.


As I write this, there's a sense of sadness. I would like to say profound sadness, like they do in books, but maybe my sadness isn't profound enough to be counted. I don't know.

I write this knowing in all certainty that this will be my last post. Of course, defining "my" as who I am now. The Me that has taken all of nineteen years to culmulate.
As of this Friday, 28th July, this Me will be taken into another universe. -ity. I check in to [check-in to? check into?] eusoff hall.
oh orientation orientation...

oh meeting people, and .having. to have fun. It's the enforcing of team spirit that completely confounds me and is the issue I am afraid will alienate me from the enthusiastic, "we must have Team Spirit!" clones. I went to nus recently for the medical checkup and there were so many people I knew from jc, from school... who were there helping to do the float for rag day because they wanted to. It's like, I don't get. It. whatever It is. I'm still trying to figure out for myself, struggling to put into words why exactly I'm so painfully aghast about orientation. The irony is, I was house capt in jc [go hawking!], and freelance as a camp instructor. So I'm no stranger at all to cheers, to games, to whateverwhateverwhatevers.

When I think about orientation, my stomach actually twists. oh I've found the word. Anxiety. yeah. That fits it.
I realised that I think of the entire university as a plethora of pseudos. Like the entire hall of Legally Blonde meets Mean Girls meets Bring It On. All the cool people, or posuers, at least. Everyone who looks the same. You know what I mean? Short skirts paired with babydoll tees. ponytail or spiffy short haircuts.
I don't fit in. :/

I'm not about to walk into banana world [my idea of hall orientation group] and start cheering my head off. Manufactured is something I don't do.

So what will I do in uni? Stay away and earn one of my Miss Arrogant, Miss Proud, Miss Aloof, Miss Distant etc titles again? It's not like I like it. you know. When I was in J1, and we'd just gotten back out class photos, I was looking at it and admiring our happy faces when ben came over, poked his finger into my face and bluntly went, "when I first saw you, I thought you were a stuck up, arrogant, english-speaking b*tch". Talk about in one's face.

I really wonder what will happen...



Hey everyone. Do me a favour. Delete me from your links. I've gathered a most satisfactory readership over the years, and you guys are all I need. You guys are all I need. so, yeah. Thanks.