chiang mai! I finally got a couple of photos! :) ying quan, myself and rachel... this was taken in the field where they played soccer and stuff. thai soccer is violent!! see I have three pairs of specs on my head. haha. ohoh the next photo was taken by ying quan.. completely candid, completely natural, completely beautiful. breathe in every detail please :) 

memories 

just another day

happy birthday to colin and brandon! :) take care guys... keep close to God.

musings

It was Monday. She dined at Marche with three friends and mrs naidu. They saw each other maybe twice a year.

What to say?

He had just came back from trips around the world. She was a scholar studying in norway, the other had been a president of a student council. High fliers, good in what they did. Herself, she had just been a netballer in school.
Listen to their ambitions. He wants to major in economics or business; probably earn lots of money. She wants to be a doctor. The other, a speech pathologist. As for herself, all she wanted right now was to go back to chiang mai and see the children. hah. She had no career ambitions. Find a good guy, settle down and live happily ever after. Lovey dovey and all that.
It was easy to feel inferior. Sitting around the table next to the humungous fake tree with autumn leaves [notwithstanding the fact that it was January and that Singapore has no seasonal changes anyway], the entire place bathed with soft lights… To look at them and compare. Them, she, Them, she. Two of them would honestly have been admired by the Singapore government. The other was less spectacular, but even he knew the ways of the world.

They hadn’t talked very much this time. Conversation was at the beginning limited to gossip around their old friends whom they haven’t seen for years, and common grouses about how old they were getting. This guy turned gay, the other bisexual; could Muslims be gay? What? He’d converted to Christianity? Oh. Then mrs naidu’s husband dropped in, and they started talking about shah rhul khan and legolas- she naturally got rather high at that and consequently sprouted truckloads of nonsense which kept the rest extremely entertained.
But nothing deep, nothing real. Maybe it might have been, but no one would have allowed the personal to be aired. So it was touch and go, touch and go. Knives waving about dangerously here and there, forks enthusiastically brandished every now and then, mostly in mock anger. But fingers did point once for real while accusations rose. About who hadn’t kept in touch with whom, and whose fault it was. Their accusations. Not hers. She hadn’t been part of that. Neither had he and mrs naidu, actually. Except that he had to open his mouth. She had cringed in disgust at his cocksure ways. She thought that had been a real betrayal of friendship. She had wanted to slap him for the other’s sake.

So there it was, touch and go, make the flow. Be nice, be adult, be nostalgic, be fun. Act serious, play real.

On the way home she mused some more. One of them was fretful because she’d broken curfew. How bad could it get? Don’t worry. You don’t want to know, she’d muttered back. And her mom didn’t wait ten minutes at the interchange for her daughter who had broken curfew; the former called to say she was going home first. The significance? Now the daughter had to face her father’s wrath alone, unalleviated as it might have been with the presence of the other parent. She’d wanted to ask why the parent couldn’t wait. It was just ten minutes. And surely the mother would have realised that the daughter’s arriving home with or without her would make a difference. That she had the power to ease some of her daughter’s worry and fear? Or was there a good reason for it? She couldn’t think of any, but maybe there was. After all, families function differently. Her mom would have waited two hours if she had to, she knew. But no one would have asked that. She was just thinking too much, and too personally to intrude.

But what if you’re a high flyer in school? Why do your parents insist on science? On medicine? Why can’t you be a speech pathologist to help your niece who has difficulties? Aren’t your parents proud of you? Won’t they trust you enough to know?

But she didn’t ask. It wouldn’t have been of any use anyway.
More questions.

But what if you are a scholar? Why does your family insist on science? On medicine? Why is it that whatever you do is never enough for them? You have done so much. And what you have gone through all these years…
It’s okay. You can always stay over. Both daddy and mommy said it was okay. (: But you must be a good girl. heh.



Sometimes one reaches out to the other, and in spite of the gulf in between that separates by reason of experience, of situation, of consequence, one connects.

Just read erica's blog. I think it's hilarious. Read this-

"The secret of teaching is to appear to have known all your life what you learned this afternoon." -Anonymous-

Weekly report

This week was pretty funny. Children are just so natural... so real. (: This is a sample of what happened this week...

Excerpts, Quotable quotes, Bits of a child’s wisdom etc


After teaching a health education lesson on Kumar, the naughty boy who plays too many computer games and falls ill as a result [health ed textbook pages 4 and 5], a question from Jun Hao:
“Teacher, how come you know Kumar so well?”

During an arts class:
Boy1: “Teacher, are you good at art?”
[While I pause in a panicked consternation]
Boy2: “Of course teacher good at art lah! Otherwise how to become art teacher?”

The first time I wore my super baggy fisherman pants to school:
“Teacher, why you wear like Japanese?”

After racking his brains to answer the question [“A doctor wears a long white c_ _ _ to work”], a wail:
“But ‘Cher, I never go doctor before!”

Weero is caught by Mdm Norsheela to kicking Isa’s bag while walking back to class after assembly:
Mdm: “This is very inconsiderate and disrespectful of your classmates. I am sure your classmate is upset. Isa, do you like Weero kicking your bag?”
Isa: [meekly] “Yes.”

Me: “If you want to read a book and you cannot see properly, what do you wear?”
Shahqil: “Sunglasses!”



On a [not-so] side note, thanks to ALL of you who posted in reply to my first weekly report. It was just so amazingly encouraging and I am just so really truly thankful for all your words of support! –big fat happy sentimental grin- I love you guys SOOO much!


Happy Chinese New Year!!!!!

Oh look. I did it! Without even realising what I did.
I'm a good blogger. hurhur.

I want to learn how to change my blog background thing!! waah everything's in chinese so I don't understand what they're talking about and so
MY BLOG REMAINS SO BLACK.


waaaaaaaah.

Weekly Report

It’s a crazy life, being a teacher! This past week has been an entirely new experience for me, and I’ve said and thought things I wouldn’t have thought I would. The overwhelming impression of this week is Exhaustion. Traveling, lack of sleep, the amount of energy kids drain… little vampires, that’s what they all are.

Sunday, 2300hrs [as far as I can remember]
I was yammering away with Hannah at home, when my phone suddenly rings.
“Hello Rachel? mdm rohani here. I know it’s last minute, but can you take over from tomorrow onwards? Just go to the general office tomorrow and tell them you’re taking over me for three months.”
okayy. Panic panic.

I couldn’t sleep that night, and the first day was just so bad. Dumped into a classroom with 28 primary two children [one absentee you see] staring at me. I was supposed to teach them english, math, health education, p.e, arts and craft and social studies. Basically everything except chinese and music. Had no training on how to teach seven year olds effectively, no experience to back me up. I was just grateful I was taller than they were. Didn’t know the pace of work, the rules of the school, didn’t know anything. I didn’t even have the textbook! [It’s still missing.]

Imagine you’re a seven year old and suddenly this new teacher bends over you on her first day and goes, “hi. Can I borrow your english textbook?”

I have no idea what the poor thing thought. But it was pretty embarrassing for me.

I think the worst thing on the first day was the disappointment. Teaching primary twos is basically babysitting. Don’t do this, don’t do that. KEEP QUIET! Okay class, remember to write the day and the date on the top of the page, okay? KEEP QUIET!
At that age, their fears and worries are just so unwarranted. Granted, it causes them an amazing amount of anxiety and stress [I can personally attest to that] but the thing is, it really doesn’t matter. Any one can soothe it with assurances. Where’s the depth in all that? I guess I wanted more mature students, who would fully appreciate my passion and enthusiasm for Them. Babysitting, any one could do.
So the first day was really bad for me. I just sat on my swrivel chair after the last lesson, brooding. Looking at the three months ahead and wondering how much of their childishness I could take. See, the worst thing was, they Are supposed to be childish. Listen to this:

Yong Zhi: Teacher teacher, he blow my face!
Me: Blow back! [okay I didn’t say that. Was so tempted to though. I actually asked the other kid why he did that.]
Boon Hong: He punch me!
Me: [puts on a horrified face] Why did you punch him?
Yong Zhi: He block me!
Me: Why did you “block” him?
Boon Hong: He just now cut queue!

You know what the best thing was? They were simply walking along the corridor!
When I related this incident to my mom [or ranted, rather], she laughed and said that at that age, they were simply protecting what they perceived as their rights. Apparently when lining up, closer you are to the teacher, the more powerful you are. And yeah, I think the kids do think that way. Guess children haven’t changed very much since my mom’s time. I wonder how mummy did it. Daddy once told me that when she was still in the teaching profession, she was highly sought after. Hmmm.

So yeah. There I was, disillusioned and seriously wondering if I should look around for another school. Thank God for erica who messaged and asked if I was okay. And hongxuan too. Poor brandon who called shortly after school ended bore the brunt of my frustration. I was literally yelling on the phone [I was out of school by then]. Everything was so limited by their youth. For p.e, I had no idea what to do. They were so young! So we just played races. Some of the kids didn’t want to play. I don’t blame them. Such boring games! Sigh. And this is coming from me who wants to be a p.e teacher. So if I say I was upset at the limitations, I was upset at the limitations. And the worst thing? I’m not a nitpicking teacher. I don’t care if your parents don’t sign your spelling books; I’ve always thought that was freaking dumb, the whole admin thing. Such a waste of time and energy. Learning man, learning. Don’t do your work, your loss. Do your work, I’ll work harder than you do. I mean need. Spend time with those who have the right attitude. Not waste hour after hour telling kids to shut up! Yet, that's exactly what they need. This period is their habit forming years. [I've since kind of figured I was a bad student who didn't listen. heh.]
So I spent quite some time penning a letter, venting everything onto that poor piece of paper. sigh. But everyone was really encouraging and told me the first day was always the hardest. well. They were right. Erica reminded me of the need to “start each day ANEW”. So I prayed and did that.

Tuesday was better. I think it helped that I had a primary four art class to take. They were more fun, and I could talk more ‘constructive rubbish’ with them. haha. It was nice to see how they put effort into a topic that was initially boring. [They were supposed to draw trees.] Oh. My own kids? I tried some real teaching, as in, english and math. But on hindsight, I’m a terrible primary two teacher. I use words they don’t understand, and go too fast. For example:

Me: Okay children, see today we’re going to learn the difference between “tight”, “tightER” and “tightEST”. Okay? Okay. So. TightER is a comparative word. Do you know what comparative means? [blank faces] Err no? Okay it’s relative. You know relative? [slight pause as I try desperately to think of a way to explain what the “er” in tighter really means]
-brightly- okay never mind. You know the “est” in tightest? Well it’s an… ultimate word! Nothing can be bigger than it! Understand? [blank faces]

Soo. Yeah. My first attempt at teaching the meaning of “er” and “est”.

I also got my hands on the scheme of work that day. And realized I was going waaay too fast. It also worried me that I didn’t know the children well enough to know who honestly understood what I was saying, and who were just good at looking like they knew. Besides, I’ll still be taking them for their CA1 [remember ca1??? oh my gosh.] and I really don’t want the school or any parents to be upset at me. Even more than that, I want all students to catch my ball, I really do. I’d hate to think of any child confused and not daring to ask a big [in their perspective] adult for help. But I have no training in teaching methods! I ask other teachers and they point me to the teacher’s guide. I read that and I still don’t understand. But I don’t want to impose on them… half of them are falling sick already. So I try my own methods and pray desperately. Especially in math. I’m so bad at it! Yes it’s just addition in hundreds- but the thing is, I never understood math even then. It was so abstract for me. I guess the only thing I’ve got in math is patience, because looking at them, I remember how hard it was for me and how no one else seemed to understand. But I don’t know how to teach. That’s hard for me too. It also doesn’t help that I have some bright students in my class who get very restless. I was like that in english. In all my primary school years, every CA or SA was a band one. [except once I think, when I got a measly 83 out of a hundred.] I spent my time reading under a table and the teachers left me alone. Here, they start playing and then I have to give them attention too. But what about my weaker kids? So it’s still something I’m trying to iron out.

Wednesday was contact time. BORING. Relief teachers aren’t usually supposed to sit in, but since I’m taking over for 3 months, they thought I should. I have to think of a way out of that. You see, they talk about committees, AR, TR etc. I have no idea what all that means and I’m not staying that long to join any. So yeah. You know. I used to wonder what teachers do in contact time; I guess I know now. I also remember looking at teachers in awe- they were so mysterious and unpredictable. In retrospective, I think they’d forgotten a child’s world, and could only give adult responses to what a child had to say. And in a way, I’m one foot in that Adult World. Well.

Thursday turned out to be pretty fun. I was informed that I needed to take the kids’ height and weight, and was wondering how on earth I could control 26 [three absentees] jumpy restless kids. Short of tying them up and strapped to the walls, I couldn’t think of anything. And if they were bored doing normal p.e where they get to run around, what would they do in a class that needed me to take my eyes off them while I take each individual kid’s height and weight?? I was concerned. Guess what happened in the end.

Me: Okay class, listen up. [pause] LISTEN UP! [pause] OKAY. TODAY, We are going to do something Different for p.e [excited babble as they guess]. No, we are not going to do jumping games. No, we are not going to do anything physical [they don’t know what physical means]. We are going to take your height and weight.

Class: YAYYY!

I was pleasantly surprised. So I got them to behave on the threat that I wouldn’t tell them their height and weight if they misbehaved. [well I didn’t have the time to in the end but they forgot too so all’s well ends well. haha.] I found out that taking height and weight’s fun. Like how the children struggle with their velcro straps, haha. Do you remember having velcro straps??
Taking their height and weight really brings back memories… They were so unabashed about staring earnestly at the weighing scale. haha. And when taking their heights, they just looked so serious. I was touched, actually. There were something just so sweet and poignant about it all.

[On a side note, I took my own weight when I went to put the weighing scales back. There were a few machines… You can choose between 47 to 51kg. [The last number was from a very extremely super duper spoilt weighing scale.]

It’s fun marking books too. For english anyway. We’re doing “Wishes and Dreams” now, and there was this question in their workbook which asked them what their “best wish” was. Listen to the kids:

“I wish I can eat Laksa because I like Laksa very much.”
“I wish to be a teacher. Actually my daddy wants me to be a teacher but my mommy wants me to be a doctor so I don’t know.”
“I wish play soccer because I love soccer! I want to play for Singapore”
“I wish to be a farmer and grow my own food.”

Alright. So if all goes according to plan, I’ll be able to count a laksa eater, a national soccer player, and a farmer among my protégées. Oh, and a confused teacher. haha. I love writing comments on what they write… it’s just that I wish I didn’t have to write ‘baby language’. I’d like to write more, to students who’d understand what “brilliant!” means. I mean, I know the kids appreciate my effervescent praise, but I’d rather give it to students with low self esteem, like normal academic students, or something. Anyone can write “well done” to seven year olds, but how many will bother doing that with students from a so-called slow stream? I’ve seen so many teachers who don’t care. I wanted [and still want] to be the one that’s different. I feel constrained here. Still, I know God has His plan for me and I must trust Him.

Friday was the best. Not least because I’d been surviving on roughly 4 hours of sleep a night [I’d been traveling to church very frequently this week, which meant that I’d reach home late but still had to wake up by 530 am], and that Friday meant the last, final day. (: But it was also causing me a significant amount of apprehension. I was supposed to teach a primary 6 em3 class art and craft! Mr Nair [the form teacher] had informed me of so and so who was a mischief maker, and so and so was a repeat student yadda yadda yadda. Can you imagine? I had been surviving on bluffology all week. But what if these students saw through? And had attitude problems? I’d still have to face them for three months, no matter what the first impression was! k I’ll leave you to put myself in your shoes.


But it turned out to be great! :D I think mr nair’s presence during the first period really helped. [he was kind enough to suggest it.] By that time, I’d gained their interest. Which was the most crucial thing. Yayy! It was really God’s blessings. I could feel His presence as I talked to them about Chinese New Year. Soon, I hope to talk with them. (:

I know many of you have been asking how my week was… so here it is. In all the good and bad, with God seeing me through all the way.

Three months more… who knows what will happen?

miss ng... tomorrow! says:
fuchun!
he says:
where is tt
miss ng... tomorrow! says:
woodlands! waking up at like 530!
he says:
...
he says:
what u teaching?
miss ng... tomorrow! says:
AHHHHHHHHHHH
miss ng... tomorrow! says:
TOMORROW ONLY
miss ng... tomorrow! says:
math
miss ng... tomorrow! says:
english
miss ng... tomorrow! says:
arts and crft
miss ng... tomorrow! says:
pe
miss ng... tomorrow! says:
social studies!!!
he says:
eh tt is a primary or sec sch?
miss ng... tomorrow! says:
pri!
he says:
oh
he says:
so not so much troublr
he says:
hahah
miss ng... tomorrow! says:
RIGHT
miss ng... tomorrow! says:
there's this boy who apparently climbs the grills and rolls on the floor!
he says:
.....
he says:
sounds more like a monkey la
miss ng... tomorrow! says:
arrgh
miss ng... tomorrow! says:
he's going to be MY monkey!
he says:
haha
he says:
gdluck
he says:
ahahah




So much for comfort friends... Miss Ng exists TOMORROW! I need to sleep! ahhh!

arrgh

This whole thing is frustrating me.
I start work next monday as a teacher! Mrs [I don't know her surname] has applied for maternity leave starting next monday.. for three months I think. Three months. So when should I end? 16th April methinks. And if I really get to go to chiang mai for a month, I should be leaving on the 14th of May. Or the 21st. This is a rough sketch.

At least I don't have to go back to camp and do the attachment thing. heh heh. So much for being a freelance camp instructor. Engaged for one camp in my entire career. ohwell. At least I got paid for my first camp [instead of tagging under a senior trainer to learn the ropes AND not be paid]. They really needed people then. So under the company thing I still have to do my attachment but with this teaching thing now, I can't. yayy.
Actually. Used to think I could do obs and stuff. Probably could then. I've changed I guess. I want a bathroom and a bed now. I mean. I could do the outdoor adventure camp thing still. Maybe pretty well even. But that's only if I have to.
I wonder what the younger rachel will think of me. hah.

I'm sorry I couldn't live up to your idealisms.

Teaching is needed... to pay for stuff like driving lessons, to go back to chiang mai.
But the opportunity cost is high.
I had booked practical driving lessons on the 23rd... which I can't possibly cancel. It's like 3 lessons in a row... what's $58 times three? A lot right. Urmm. Yeah a lot. Llike $170++. Anyway.
Whoever heard of a relief teacher taking leave? sheesh. I'm so embarrassed.

Teaching also means giving up a tioman trip... which irks most of all. Who wouldn't want to go to the pristine white beaches with brandon, wilfred, serene, terence, wenhao and nicklaus??

sigh. What to do. The money's needed.
okayokay... little grousing over. Now to chin up and be the best teacher I can be. I've bought so many clothes in preparation for this, so it ought to console me a little.
Now I'm just hoping I don't burgle up the job. Let's see. Take out the top earring, make a mental note never to paint the black nail polish- HEY! Do I have to wear makeup??? -theatrical shudder. please no. I'll probably smear lipgloss all over my pretty clothes in my amatuerish attempt to put it on, or worse, swallow it.
Whoever heard of swallowing makeup?

I want to go to tioamannnnn.........

err. let's try this.

You scored as Journalism. You are an aspiring journalist, and you should major in journalism! Like me, you are passionate about writing and expressing yourself, and you want the world to understand your beliefs through writing. Journalism 100% Theater 83% English 75% Chemistry 67% Art 67% Psychology 67% Dance 58% Sociology 58% Linguistics 50% Anthropology 50% Engineering 42% Philosophy 42% Mathematics 33% Biology 33% What is your

Letter to Home

Hello Home,

How are you? How was the New Year? Did you go to Fang mountain for your barbeque? Talk the night away meaningfully like Robert said you do every last night of the year? Reflect on the year past and all that. Be good children k? I pray for all of you everyday.

I’m pretty good. Really. Went for an outdoor adventure course today; it’s part of my training. I’m going to be a freelance camp trainer! How about that? (: It was really good; I enjoyed myself. You know, I’d actually thought of trashing the whole idea cz I felt that seventy dollars [the training fees] were too steep- I’ve been really broke ever since driving school started… Not working yet you see. shrug. How depressing.
Anyway.

I understand why I couldn’t stay with you now… as in. Why I can’t be there now even though I really want to. I mean. I have no knowledge that would be useful, no skills that would add value to Home. I believe that’s why God has the teaching job for me… Remember how it was supposed to be six months, but suddenly got cut down to three? Well I’m hoping it’s God’s will too that that means I get to see you guys in late may. (:
I’ve decided that every time I feel worried about driving and stuff I’ll motivate myself with thoughts of you. I’ll be able to drive you to school! Wouldn’t that be awesomely fun? yay.

Alright. It was meant to be a short update anyway. Oh. I really did email you you know. But it’s been a few days already and no reply still so- shrug. Guess you’re still busy. It’s alright.
I should go off soon. Final theory classes tomorrow from 0950 to 1500hrs [thereabout. Madness huh?], and I still have my night QT to do. Much to thank God for… For His protection today, for the weather, and for the team itself. We were a good team today. (: I’ve devoted the entire day to driving school tomorrow… I mean. Be a good student right. (:

You be good too. I think God’ll have changed us mightily by the time we see each other again, and may the change be for His glory. God bless.

Love much much much,
Rachel.

P.S This is to mr juciyfruiter who left a comment on my previous post… you really aren’t a spam thing huh? Sorry man. It’s just that I’ve received so many of them. Awesome to know that a park ranger from somewhere else in the world’s reading my blog… racoons and all huh? Love the passion you have for your job. Keep up the good work over there; We’re doing ours too. (: