hey girl. I'm replying

Oh.. thanks for asking if I wanted to pray together..
I wanted to. It would be remiss if two Christians were together, and one prayed without inviting the other. After all, that's what friendship is about, isn't it? Sharing what's important to us. I know there's nothing quite as important as my morning talks with God.

but i don't dare to. I'm not a Christian anymore.. what gives me the right to call myself one? I'm confused.. lost.
My dear... no one gave you the right to call yourself a Christian. God's the one who decreed that "to all who believe Him, who receive in His name, He gave the right to be: the children of God". Why are you lost? You know where to find the answers.

I don't want religion. I'm not willing to commit the way I think I should if I'm serious about it. I'm never going to get used to attributing every achievement of mine to God, and not be able to say I DID IT without any help.
At what cost? Being "confused.. lost"? Is pretending to be self-sufficient worth the trade-off when, when you think about it, you don't know what's going on? Do you know why you don't know what's going on?

What is religion anyway? Is it a man-made concept to guide us through life, to make us feel like we have a purpose? Which faith is right? Why should any one faith be 'right'? ... What's with worshipping? My pride doesn't like it, calling myself insignificant beside Him, telling Him that He is so wonderful, and completely succumbing to His 'power', so that I am but a mere sevant. It takes amazing humility, and faith.. I don't have that.
So many questions you're asking. I'll try. I don't know everything, but I'll try. mmm. Firstly. As the watch proves the existence of a watch-maker, so the earth proves the existence of a Creator, and all that is within it. I mean, you're not going to see a watch and say Look, how curious! This watch suddenly appeared on my hand! You're going to see a watch and go, oh wow, I've always wanted a fossil watch.. and that basically acknowledges fossil as the brand-maker of that particular watch.
So let's start on that. That there is something out there who created at least the earth and all there is in it. Let's call that something, God.
Since there is a God, obviously His religion, whatever it is, would be the "right" one. Yes? Any arguments against that? Therefore we follow the "right" religion. Assuming we know what the "right" one is.
As to worshipping.. I don't claim to speak for everyone out there but for me, there are plenty of reasons to worship. You know how magnificent nature is? Nature in all its granduer and elusive tints that have yet to be named.. even animals. Cows can't have four stomachs by accident. grin.
When I think about the beauty of the earth and sky.. there's this need within me to submit myself to whoever was powerful enough to create all this.
I know what you mean about pride though. I once wrote in one of my journals that "I believe not because I do, but because I cannot afford not to." Evidence of this God is all around, even within us, how can anyone claim ignorance? I am afraid of this Being, I am indeed.

Actually maybe I have faith. For all that I say, I would still get defensive if anyone insults the Christian faith. And in my darkest moments of immense desperation, I turn to him. I pray for help, out of habit. But I really believe he can help me. In those moments, that is. But... some prayers go answered, some don't. It's all in the greater plan, right? Well how can I be sure it's His great plan and not.. just the way life is? Why must someone be in control of everything, absolutely everything? Is it because we need that someone to make us feel like life and the world can actually be controlled?
You know. Your questions.. remind me of what I read in 'The Chronicles of Naria'. I forgot which book. The main characters were caught by a wicked socercess [think satan] and she started questioning their faith, their very being. In that underground room where the only source of light was a lamp, she asked them gently where they were from.
They said, from up there.
Up where?, she asked.
There! Don't you know? Where the sun is...-
What sun? What is a sun?
You must know the sun! Everyone knows the sun! It emits light and warmth.. and is yellow!
I think you must mean this lamp. It emits light and warmth... and it's yellow.
But... the sun. It isn't this lamp. It can't be!
Why not? Whatever you said the sun was, the lamp is. Maybe you have been imagining the lamp as a sun.
[this is me narrating again]: That was the confusion. They faltered. What if the lady was right, and the sun was only the lamp? In the same way, what if there is no someone in control and we've been wrong all along?
Then, one of the main characters, making the effort to think, said:
"You may be right. There may be no sun. Maybe the lamp really is the sun we've been thinking all along. But. I'd rather believe what I did all along, than lose all hope. I will believe in the sun."
And we all know that there is indeed a sun. I did injustice to his speech.. but I don't have the book with me now. But you get the gist. Anyway.
If Christianity is false, would the first generation [aka the apostles] risked their lives in it? Out of the 12, 10 were martyered for their faith. Hello, if Jesus had been false, they wouldn't have died for Him. They didn't die pretty deaths. If memory serves me right, two were crucified upside down. Would you willingly endure six inch long nails driven into your wrists and ankles, and wait angonisingly to be suffocated to death? Crucifixtion was a method that took hours to kill. And upside down! These men died like that and didn't renounce their faith because they believed what they saw was true. The last disciple to die wasn't martyered. He was exiled to a teeny weeny island. Who would want to suffer for years in a dark, damp and small little cave for something that was false?? I can go on and on with more examples, and all are of men and women who suffered for Christ's sake. Would they have done so for a mere man? I think not. There had to be something about Jesus that even after His death, even Two Thousand years after His death, there are people who give their lives to Him.

Why must I lose the people I love when the end of the world comes, simply because they chose to follow a different philosophy of life, a different religion? It isn't fair, AT ALL. God is supposed to be fair.
Girl? Then what do you want God to do? Allow everyone to go to heaven although they've said they don't believe Him/don't want Him? That would be mocking His soverignity, wouldn't it? Notice how "all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God". We're ALL supposed to go to hell honey. None of us, by our own merit, can be with God. Don't forget, God's perfect [that's why He's God. duh], so that creates a lot of problems. Especially because He's supposed to be just/fair.
Problem1: We're not perfect, and He is.
Problem2: He's just/fair. What. You expect Him to not punish wrongdoing? Again, that'd make a mockery out of His perfection, wouldn't it? So how?
He takes the punishment instead. My dear... God took all the wrongdoings of the world.. and all we have to do, on our part, is to accept Him. If we don't accept or even believe.. what do you want Him to do now? Force you to? But He gave us free will when He created the first human.. and so it stays.
God is God. Can a lump of clay comprehend the designs of its maker? Can the acorn refuse to gerimate? We who have been given the ablity to think, to differetiate, how much more ought we to obey our Maker? God is fair. That's why He did all that He did.

that was the day.. I reached home to find my mom pale-faced, glued to the TV set.. The tsunamis had struck. I mean, how apt can you get? Yi Rang and I were pretty affected by that sermon and the following events... she even more so I think, cos she thinks a lot. Well.. I don't want the world to end. I'm not looking forward to the day it does.. There's so much to live for, so much ahead of me. And I don't want to all of us to be separated the way it's supposedly going to happen - good Christian, heaven; others, hell.
It's all in the Bible. The Bible, in case you forgot, isn't a storybook. It's actually a historical record, much like the archives you see in musems. For the record, ancient scrolls have been found in caves near the Dead Sea and they agree with the bible. That would say something about the authencity of the bible now, wouldn't it? I mean, the bible you see in shops and the ancient dead sea scrolls correspond. It's not just ME telling you the bible is true, history proves it too.
The bible has said [thousands of years ago] that there'd be an increase in natural disasters. Think about it. If some piece of paper that's a couple of thousands of years old predicts an increase in natural disasters and that is what 's happening now... Doesn't that scare you? What that piece of paper said is coming true. I'd go read the rest of the paper if I were you, and see what it says about everything else. Especially on the afterlife.
That piece of paper is the bible.
By the way. The bible says that Man was created by God. Scientists say we came from monkeys.
Scientists also used to think that the sky only contained hundreds of thousands of stars... because they could only COUNT that much. The bible was the only book that said that there were billions of stars.. and cool, calculative scientists laughed at that number.
They were proven wrong. What about the rest?

There's no one I'll ever be able to believe in but myself. I am tangible. I'm a bit like Thomas... show me the holes in your hands. Even then.. is that enough?
You are tangible. Therefore you believe in yourself. The wind isn't tangible. So you don't believe in the wind? Then what is the thing that moves your hair?
God isn't tangible. So you don't belive in God? Then what is it that calls to your heart?