a hungry rachel does a cranky girl make

i would count today my jonah day, the one horrid[est] day per sem where every single thing seems to go wrong, most exasperatingly accompanied by angst within the self. angst within the self is hardest to deal with, i think.

this time, it's mostly arising from my assignment that's due this week, which i haven't started/been able to start on. this is the first and only assignment i'm getting stressed at, even if there are only 2 weeks of school (or 5 days in which i have to go to school) left. the assignment's from my ling322 module, and it's on phonology.

firstly, my phonology has never been my strong subject. and that's an understatment. secondly, this ling322 mod assumes aspects of phonetics i haven't learnt, because i haven't taken el2102 back in nus. how am i going to sit for an exam where half of it is on phonetics, and on phonetics i don't know?
but back to the assignment. i hope i have convinced that i am weak in said topic. that's part a. now, part b: it seems that there is only ONE book that is relevant. i made my request for the book last friday, but it still hasn't come. which is like, duuuude. i can't begin my assignment on TH-fronting in replacing f/v for the conventional pronunciation ending syllable.

maybe i should chill. i should be like, okay the one and only useful book isn't here. i can't start. therefore i should just read yet another postmodern novel and walk about in a daze after. but nooooo i didn't. what did i do? how did i spend my day?
1. went to school, and ABSOLUTELY WASTED MY TIME doing n.o.t.h.i.n.g. not even constructively reading postmodern fiction that might make me sound more intelligent. oh i remember what i did now, i spent Hours rearranging/editing photos taken yesterday, when adam and i went to the botanic gardens for tulip sunday.

argh.

i just want my assignment over and done with. i am willing to start now =(

other objects of offense: wet, cold and windy weather, such a polar change from yesterday's blue sky and pretty flowers. and alfredo darling was acting up somewhat. and and and- i am hungry. i hate being hungry. i have been so hungry today, even my usual supplies weren't enough and i have been hungry since an hour and 45 mins ago, and have to endure for another hour and a half.

dumb assignment. dumb.

feeling distinctly un-21, un adult, un caring, and completely sulky. m.eh.


as a postscript: i think my title was quite ungrammatical. hmmm.

forgive me

maybe it is charlotte bronte and jane austen proving too potent a mix, or else sad, sad music, with trembling voices and tears and violins- so vulnerable to its cry- or maybe
it's the stress of being here and wanting to be home but wanting to stay too and. and boys dear to me asking me if i don't think 'i should stay for a full year' and i still cannot understand how i am supposed to. to leave. and then. there's also you, you leaving/left/leaving/gone. you shouldn't go, you shouldn't. i don't know how much instability and tension

tonight words are failing me and my heart is seeking refuge
from the thoughts that are barraging across.