Carnal knowledge and Sonnet

[The best effect comes from reading the poems out loud.. don't be afraid to dramatise. (: happy indulging!]

Carnal Knowledge
Even in bed I pose: desire may grow
More circumstantial and less circumspect
Each night, but an acute girl would suspect
that my self is not like my body, bare.
I wonder if you know, or, knowing, care?
You know I know you know I know you know.

I am not what I seem, believe me, so
For the magnanimous pagan I pretend
Substitiute a forked creature as your friend.
When darkness lies without a roll or stir
Flaccid, you want a competent poseur.
I know you know I know you know I know.

Cackle you hen, and answer when I crow.
No need to grope: I'm still playing the same
Comical act inside the tragic game.
Yet things perhaps are simpler: could it be
A mere tear-jerker devoid of honesty?
You know I know you know I know you know.

Leave me. Witnin a minute I will stow
Your greedy mouth, but will not yet to grips.
'There is a space between breast and lips.'
Also a space between thighs and head,
So great, we might as well not be in bed.
I know you know I know you know I know.

I hardly hoped for happy thoughts, although
In a most happy sleeping time I dreamt
We did not hold each other in contempt.
Then lifting my lid's night's penny weights
I saw that lack of love contaminates.
You know I know you know I know you know.

Abandon me to stammering, and go;
If you have tears, prepare to cry elsewhere-
I know of no emotion we can share,
Your intellectual protests are a bore
And even now I pose, so now go, for
I know you know.

Thom Gunn

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Sonnet
If thou must love me, let it be for naught
Ecvept for love's sake only. Do not say,
'I love her for her smile -her look- her way
Of speaking gently, - for a trick if thought
That falls in well with mine, and certes brought
A sense of pleasant ease on such a day'-
For these things in themselves, beloved, may
Be changed, or change for thee- and love, so wrought,
May be unwrought so. Neither love me for
Thine own dear pity's wiping my cheeks dry:
A creature might forget to weep, who bore
Thy comfort long, and lose thy love thereby!
But love me for love's sake, that evermore
Thou mayst love on, through love's eternity.

Elizabeth Barrett Browning.

I’m sorry I spoilt the phone. I didn’t mean to. Why do you keep harping on the fact that I didn’t finish drinking the water before leaving it there? I forgot there was water inside my cup and upset the water.

But I like to drink my water at my own pace, not at one sitting. I’ll finish it eventually.. Why is it a crime?

I’m sorry I spoilt the phone. I’m sorry. I know the repair guys won’t repair it now even though it’s less than a week old. Water isn’t covered under warranty. You told me all this.

Don’t you know the $150 that was my gift last month on the second Sunday of June was merely to assuage my guilt? Guilt that you’d spent so much money on the new phone. I love you so much and I don’t know why you do this to me.

I’m sorry I leave things lying around, I forget to turn off the main switch after using the computer and I’m sorry I asked you to “turn on” the telly instead of “switch[ing]” it on. You’ve never corrected me in my English before and it hurt me so much that you did because the one who corrects me in my English isn’t you. It’s your other half who was the English teacher, who made me spell “biscuit” before I was in primary school and made me cry. I came running to you and you told me it was for my own good. But you never corrected me, and always laughed about how you took your lit exam without reading the book. What’s going on now?

I don’t know why I keep forgetting to do all the little little things, I’m not offering any excuses. I wish I was the perfect daughter too. At night when I say I love you before I sleep I wonder if you think it’s only words. It isn’t I do love you.
I’m sorry I can’t meet your standards. I’m not offering any excuses.

I could empty my bank account for you, the one that I saved all by myself if you wanted me to, if it’d make you feel better, if you’d love me more. I know you love me still but it doesn’t feel that way. But I don’t know. Would you’d rather have me obedient than have money. Obedient, of course. But I’m trying already and it doesn’t seem to work so maybe you’ll accept money to make up for my mistakes.

If the computer wasn’t situated in the hall I’d be crying now.

The words look so empty and meaningless on the screen but there must be a reason why there’s this pain inside me. Maybe it’s the pain of it being my fault. Don’t you get it? Yes you do. You know that it’s my fault. I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry!

The phone’s coming back tomorrow and you said that if they didn’t repair it, it might as well be thrown away. Do you know how much it hurt when you said that? It’s my fault I spoilt the phone and I’m so afraid that there’s nothing I can do that will make up for it. I know money’s hard to come by and your business not doing well with this economy and nat’s school fees are astronomical. I know all this. Did you think I was blind? Why did you tell mom to give me less money so that I’d be more thrifty? Just because I splurge on you two doesn’t mean I don’t go without somewhere else.

I wish I could tell you all this. I know in your way you love me so much and there’s nothing you wouldn’t give me if you could. I know the proportion of money you spend on me probably exceeds anyone else in the family because you spoil me in your quiet unnoticed way. I know there are sacrifices you made that I was too blind to see but what I do see I know. I’m sorry that I can’t do the little you ask me.

It’s too late I’m crying now. I hope. you won’t hear the sniffles from behind you. I’m wiping away the tears.. so maybe when mom walks past she won’t notice anything.
You’re talking with mom now and you sound perfectly fine. I think you are. I hope you are because if you were quiet it’d mean that you’re upset and then I’d be even more wrecked than I am now.

I’ll put this up on my blog not because I want anyone to think you’re a bad daddy. In fact, I’d never ever speak to anyone who thinks you are because anyone who can’t see how magnificent you are doesn’t deserve to be spoken to. Did you know that I wanted to write an “ode to daddy” on my blog but didn’t have the time to? I’m sorry that it turned out this way. I just needed an avenue to let it out. I don’t care what anyone’s going to think of me after reading this but they’d better think highly of you still.

Goodnight papa. It’s midnight. I have my final paper tomorrow. And. The phone’s coming back too.

I love you.

I edited it- A variety of opinions and thoughts.

I am Progressive Girl Click on the picture below to read more: Take the 'What Kind of Girl Are You?' quiz at CookingToHookup.com

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Alright I'm not too sure if that worked, just in case it doesn't, this is what the mumbojumbo means. :)

I am a Progressive Girl.

Moderation in all things, excess in nothing. -- Epicurus

Imagine that the Girl Next Door moved to the big city. Think of Meg Ryan in When Harry Met Sally. She's America's sweetheart with an urban sensibility. She's a post-Christian spiritualist, a pre-Monica Clintonite, and a dues-paying member of at least one social-change organization like NOW, Planned Parenthood, or the Sierra Club. You won't find her at an Earth First or PETA meeting, though. Those are the Granola Girl's stomping grounds. Progressive Girls want the world to be a better place, but they live out their politics in a moderate, left-of-center way.

If you are going to date a Progressive Girl, the one sin you can commit is to be a chameleon. Molding your opinions to fit hers will lose her respect. One very positive thing you can do is offer her new experiences -- the Progressive Girl is fearless about trying new things. Whether it's pluralism, skydiving, Asian peanut sauce, or this book, the Progressive Girl is always looking for new ideas.

She Might Be a Progressive Girl if:
She drives: a small SUV but really wishes it got better mileage; once she can get a good hybrid, she will.
She can talk for more than ten minutes about: just about anything.
She begins her sentences with: "Susan Sarandon says..."
She'd never: pass up the chance for a new experience.
She owns any of the following: a water filter, a tabletop fountain, an acre of rain forest, a mutt from the pound.

grin. I don't know who susan sarandon is, nor own any of the above but I've taken this quiz a couple of times and given the varying answers but I'm still a Progressive Girl so I guess this must be what it is. haha.

I haven’t failed to realize, dear people, that my posts lately have been full of bgr. But why not? It is an interesting topic. grin.

xiuwen gave me five blank spaces the other day that she plucked from the air to write on with the sound of my breath. [prose: she told me to choose five qualities I’d want in a guy. haha] I categorised them into 2 levels. To be..

Level1: godly.





Level2: humourous, mature, compassionate and responsible/responsive.

3 years ago, I met a guy. mmm let's call him john. We never got officially attached [at my insistence] but we might as well have been for all purposes and intent. You see, I thought that since we weren't "officially" together it meant that everything was still fine.

What rubbish.

My mom told me that I shouldn't get so close with him because the two of us didn't believe in the same things. Me in my infactuated state got upset and wouldn't listen. But, looking back, mommy was just so right. Because he didn't see what was so wrong about getting up close and personal, and I did... um. well I think you can imagine. uh I haven't seen him for a couple of years now. whatever.

Indeed. To have a godly man, a guy who loves God more than I do will mean that he will love me in the best way too. When I say best way it Will be the best because it is what God has said. and needless to say, what God says is best. Get it?

I don't know. I'd want to know what the guy does first. Does he help the blind man stumbling along the street? Does he pick the little girl up and swing her in the air just to hear her laugh? Does he make his mummy laugh? That's where humour and compassion come in. Is he good with the bills, remembering that his parents work to pay for it, and yet treats his friends now and then? Does he know what went on in the Rwanda genocide, and care about the sex slaves in cambodia? You need maturity and responsibility for that. Yeah.

Notice how level one is waaaaaay higher than the rest, yet the rest are vital too. I wouldn’t want to get into a romantic relationship with any guy who doesn’t have all of these qualities because I’ve seen how painful a marriage gone awry can get. I’m not saying I have all these qualities either so. I’m not going to be in a relationship for some time yet. hah.

I can imagine a lot of you writing me off as some prude, like the second aunt you have who never got married. But I’m not like her, I’m lots of fun to be around. grin. It’s just that there’s a lot of heartache when things don’t work out between a couple. I’ve seen it I’ve felt it and I bet you have too. Isn’t it better to build a friendship and invest all the time and energy into other matters? Like family. How much time do we spend with our families? I have lots of girlfriends who love their mummys and papas. I love mine too, and I’m blessed to be able to communicate with them. (:

Having said that, it isn’t easy not to fall in. like. I say like because love is greater than what I dare to presume. One of the things I’m trying to stop is my tendency to view guys as potential boyfriends. It isn’t fair to them and arrgh. Makes me sound ditzy too, doesn’t it? haha. But I’m an honest one, I am. =Pp.

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and erica's post was so good you guys should read it too!

"Today, she said something: passion comes with a price - a heavy price? perhaps. There needs to be restraint, there needs to be an awareness that a world outside your passion exists. But i just love too many things, geography, harp, piano, design, scrapbooking, talking to people who have changed my life, its hard to know where to start letting go. Giving up would almost mean losing a part of myself, who i am, and i can't bear to do that. I sometimes wonder if i like a subject only because of the teachers, but i constantly reassure myself that even without them i would still puruse this interest in geography.

I loved the way we all sat around talking after watching a video clip about creativity in everyday life, how she addressed us as individuals and appreciated us for what we could give and nothing more. She didn't demand that we all become highly motivated and inspired people who would become world famous, she just wanted us to recognize the talent that lies within all of us. Its a matter of mindset, not ability. (: Take a look around our world, its such a complex and beautiful place, learn to love it, and apply that love to learning, not only geography and academics, but every single thing.

Pursuing life with a passion, having a long-term goal of what you want to do, who you hope to become, and how you hope to influence others. I think she's fufilled it as a teacher perfectly. And i really admire her for that, how she can pick herself up and move on to nie, taking this opportunity, even though that would mean leaving us in the middle of a crucial year. It takes more than guts, but passion, to do what you really love. She'll make a wonderful lecturer at nie, i'm confident of that, inspiring many many others to teach, like she reaffirmed my decision. And she taught me so much about living life, whether as a student or a working adult, with this inner sense of peace knowing that what you're doing is right and is what you've always wanted to do."

Wasn't that beautiful? Passion. A grand and marvellous word. I used to be full of it. Passion! The thing that gets you through, the adrenaline that pumps through the veins and keeps one going at 2 in the morning. Whatever your passion is...

I want to do good.. I want to travel around the world and teach little children. I love kids. I enjoy teenagers. And old people are just so lovely. How? Will anyone travel with me? (:

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I just returned from melaca yesterday... while I'm tired I want to share what I learnt because I don't think I'll be online for the rest of the week [and the unedited post wasn't up to standard =Pp]. The speaker looked like a plump einstein. grin. well he spoke on righteousness...

Did you know that we need God to make us righteous? As in, we may try by ourselves but in the end, it isn't enough. Well not for me anyway. I'm a hopeless person. That's kind of why I chose God... I can't do it on my own. In fact, it isn't us but the God that fulfils the righteousness that is required. As in, all we have to do is to acknowledge our helplessness in trying to live a pure life and ask- and believe- that God [can] do it. And. Did you know that what we are in our minds is what we Are?

Alright. Just one paragraph but I think that launching into a thesis of "the righteouness and purity of God" is not something I can handle as yet.

It was espcially meaningful to me because sometimes, I don't understand God and I do occasionally wonder why I'm a christian. I mean, God? A three-in-one God [as it were]? One Father one Son and one uhhh spirit? And how can heaven exist?

And yet. I can't Not believe. I have before decided that I didn't care about God... and the gnawing emptiness killed me inside. Do you guys ever wonder about life? What's the meaning of it anyway? If we are here just to die, why not live it hedonistically? I would. I would experiment with sex, alcohol, lesbianism... whatever. I would do a boob job [haha] and have a wardrobe filled with tubes and minis. Why bother dressing decently? Let the guy lust about me. Sheesh, I'd even harbour resentment against my parents for not being rich enough to give me whatever I want.

But at what cost?

I see my friends questioning life and despair about it. I want so much to tell them that there is more to life... that there's a God who is the meaning to life and that one day, He will demand accountability. How did we live our lives? Why wasn't it up to His standard? Why didn't we ask Him for help? There will be a reckoning.

I am Progressive Girl Click on the picture below to read more: Take'>http://www.cookingtohookup.com/quiz/forgirls.php">Take the 'What Kind of Girl Are You?' quiz at CookingToHookup.com

hai bin and mama [aka mrs wee (:] 

the girls and the cutest boy on earth (: 

Hey girlfriends! This post is for YOU. (:

You’d think that bgr has been discussed to death but no it hasn’t. I think, the multitude of opinions devoted to this topic from time past to time present is mostly null and void to us because WE haven’t chewed it enough. Know what I mean? It doesn’t matter how many times bgr has been debated, argued or even swooned over because we haven’t debated, argued and swooned to our heart’s content. (:

In the previous entry’s comments, erica and mayboo brought up two very interesting points. Firstly. boys are hopeless. [the ones we know anyway.(:] Secondly, despite that, we’re still dreaming of the perfect romance. haha. Oh I read Wilde’s ‘An Ideal Husband’ a fortnight ago. It’s pretty good, I ought to borrow and type an excerpt or two out.

Anyhow, over the past year... I've learnt that I’m a big[ger] girl. I can create my own sense of worth through my experiences and I don’t have to depend on a guy. Because somehow I’ve learnt to speak his language over this past year without his help. I’ve grown up. (:

They say a prisoner feels lost at first after his chains are broken. Interesting isn’t it?

So, you with the dimple and the promise of a lifetime supply of chocolate. One year ago to this day you spilt orange juice on my blazer and bestowed upon me a wish so that you could make amends. I didn’t give your side of the story because it’s yours to tell. Thanks for keeping me company today. Even if I don’t understand why I paid ten dollars for green tea. haha. What to do. We aren’t good enough friends for me to demand my change. hmmm now I'm doing the math we stopped halfway, with your sweater close to me. It smells good. I'm such a wimp... I love these kind of smells.

girlfriends girlfriends.. what would I do without you? (: